Through the years, every once in a while, I'd feel like isolating myself from the rest of the world, and go live on a deserted island, all by myself. These moments come frequently thoughout my growing up years, and even into adulthood. And they frequently come at a time when the pressure I have to face is most intense.
I do think I have escapist tendencies. When the pressure becomes overwhelming, I do sometimes think of just dropping everything like a hot potato, and just make a run for it. (But of course I've never allowed myself to do that) When I am unhappy with my life, my grades, my work, the state of my relationships etc, I sometimes just shut my mind to what's happening to me, and to some other place, usually to my nice deserted island.
They say an escapist is a coward, and I guess I'll have to agree with that. Escapists are those who, unable to cope with the reality and pressures of life, escape in their minds to some fantasy place. Much as I hate to admit that, I am a coward. I hate coping with confrontations and difficulties and messy relatinship problems. I like a cushy life, where nothing bad or unpleasant happens. I am a coward.
The worst kind of pressure that I have to deal with concerns people. It's amazingly the amount of emotional wreckage that can take place, just dealing with one difficult human relationship. Multiply that by the number of people surrounding you at work, at home, in your social life, and you can imagine the amount of pressure you have to deal with if they all turn bersek on you at the same time. Add into the messy combination an individual without much tact and persuasive powers (I'm talking about myself here!), and you pretty much feel like you should just do everybody a favour, and get out of their hair, by migrating to some island. Now can you guess how I feel sometimes!
It's impossible to take people out of the equation though since they're everywhere. And I know I will continue to make the mistakes that I've always been making, the mistakes that suggest that I'm totally EQ-less! But I guess as long as I don't traumatise people's emotions for the rest of my life, and don't make too big a fool of myself, I guess I will not migrate anywhere yet. There's only so much escaping from reality one can do after all. I guess I'll just hang around, and try to learn to deal with people with more tact and sensitivity. And keep my fingers crossed that it'll get easier and more manageable as I grow older and hopefully wiser. And last but not least, I don't want to be a coward!
No comments:
Post a Comment