It's a struggle to be good....

I was just writing about the proliferation of profanities in the office, and the increasingly pressure-cooker working environment my colleagues and I find ourselves in. The ways we try to relax is to have bitch-fest lunches and whine to each other over MSN Messanger. That has helped keep us sane to a large extent; afetr all, catharsis is a known alleviation of our sufferings, but then it is by no means a cure.

Because, despite all the catharsis I've been engaging in, I still find myself unable to manage the pressure. Not that I've blown up at a colleague or a client, and slapped them across the cheek, like I sometimes think they deserve, but I find myself increasingly losing control, not of anything else, but of myself. I think the worse thing is to lose control of oneself. It means that one is beginning to lack the capacity of keeping one's emotions in check, of keeping one's head calm, of keeping one's frustrations and annoyance under wraps. I try not to complain out loud as I'm prone to short outbursts of annoyance whenever something happens. I still keep my head cool enough to manage my projects. But I find myself feeling increasingly harrassed and frustrated and flustered, just because people ask me stupid questions (To keeps things in perspective, people are entitled to ask questions; it doesn't mean they're stupid). My patience is running border-line thin. And I'm becoming waspish. And I hate myself for succumbing to the pressure, and for being such a bitch.

Despite all my best efforts, it's a real struggle to be good. I have to remember what I told someone sometime ago: Try to keep your head above the water, even though the floos threatens to engulf you. By keeping your head above water, you can keep your eyes on the stars and can stay focussed. Or not, once you'll go under, you'll start to struggle and lose all sense of perspective and panick. That's another one of my analogies for you all to enjoy.