Withdrawal Symptoms

The time has come, and the inevitable has happen. I was sort of waiting for this to happen actually...

I've come to a stage in my blogging where I'm actually averse to it.

When I set up the blog, my original intentions were to keep it matter-of-factly true to life, and most importantly, real. No masks, no subterfuge, no games, nothing. It's all real life, my life - the pure, unadulterated and the unabridged version of things happening in and around me, in my head and in my heart.

My friends who are my initial fans, have told me that my articles have been all of the following - inspiring, thought-provoking, sometimes just so funny, and at times, heart-wrenching even. I liked what I heard, and that was my inspiration to continue with my writing. It was my way of making a difference in the lives of people that I care about, in this horribly awry and warped world that we live in. I liked the thought that in my little way, I was planting seeds of hope, of love, funny seeds that could spout into trees of new life. For what is life otherwise? How do we continue living our normal work-laden, frustrated, and sometimes pathetic lives without seeds of hope inside our hearts? There had to be more than the reason of merely surviving for real living you see.

I don't know at what point that my articles changed. Although barely perceptible at first glance, the change did take place, slowly but surely. It's like drawing a straight line; a line that is merely 0.0001 degrees awry, when extropolated could result in a big deviation from the straight and normal. I discovered that my writing recently has been more flippant than amusing. I have unwittingly slipped into the mode of hitting out at the world and the people around me. I seemed to have slipped into a abyss of dismay that can do nothing for myself, nor anybody else for that matter, with its broody contemplations.

What happened to me? And why?

It's time to take a step back and reassess myself again.

Life is too short and too precious to waste on worthless and unfruitful things. I will not and cannot allow myself to slip into retrograde. People only move in 2 directions, either forward or backward. If I haven't been progressing the last few months, then I must be regressing. Or I am standing still at a single spot. Whatever it is, it is not a good thing. I do not want to find myself worse off at the end of the year as compared to how well I started off 2005. It's only less than 2 months less to the end of 2005, and I cannot afford to waste this year.

2 months more! Arghhhh! *Presses Panic Button*