What did I do to deserve this?! A whole blog dedicated to me by Evie! I'm so touched I could cry! And all just because I bought her a birthday present. And now I've got a nice fuzzy feeling in the area just below my neck and above my tummy; which I think won't go away for a long long time...
Friendship..the magical thing that Evie waxed lyrical about, and here I am, continuing to go all ga-ga over it. I use to tell one of my oldest friends Cynthia, how incredible she (Cynthia) was, to have put up with me for the last 28-14=14 years! That's a long time to be friends with a person who's not exactly the easiest person to live with! And that's what i'm going to tell Evie, and the rest of my friends too: You're all incredible people, just having put up with me all this while!
The truth be told, I'm actually very bad at developing or maintaining relationships. I often look at people engrossed in their intimate conversations, and I wonder what is it that they have to talk about. I mean, I can prattle on endlessly about superficial and farcical topics; but to get me to engage in serious and meangingful conversations, that is actually a mammoth task for me! It's usually by some fluke that I managed to find people wo were willing to look past the superficial irritating me (as Evie can well verify!), and were willing to be friends with me! The funny thing is, like Evie said, friendships can be made at the weirdest of moments. I realise I tend to be less cynical about friendships and people when people are in trouble, and my heart goes out to them. I've made more friends under these circumstances than in any other. When someone is crying or sad, even the hardest of hearts will thaw and feel for the person. And in these moments, I shed all pretensions and become real. And when 2 people become real, and share their lives, that truly is a magical moment.
Friendship is not like a box of chocolates, as Forrest Gump claims. I prefer to think of it as a pair of seasoned shoes. It may pinch at first when you first wear it, but when your shoes gets seasoned and comfortable, you can walk the entire world in it, and they keep you safe and warm and comfortable. My friends keep me sane. They tell me off when I behave badly. (But first they allow me to relieve stress by behaving badly. THEN they tell me off!) They loan me money when I forget to bring my purse. And they don't get jealous when good things come my way. They believe in me, turning a blind eye to my flaws. And they sincerely want the best things for me, and wish me to be happy. I may not see them all the time, but the great thing is, they don't have to be in my face all the time for me to know that they care about me! That's what true friendship is.
So, thank you Evie for writing about me! Some parts are nasty, especially the retarded picture. But all of it is true. And I guess that represents the Evie-Olivia friendship - it consists of the ugly, the retarded and the nasty, but they're definitely some worthy kodak moments as well!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I Wanna Soak Up The Sun!
I think I want to take one day's leave just to go out and walk in the sun. I was just standing outside my office just now, looking at the trees being harrassed by the wind, and asking myself "What am I doing indoors on a great day like this?". And from the amount of blogging I've been doing recently, I guess it's pretty obvious that I need time out. No calls. No guilty conscience about not being in the
office. No hot sun preferably. Just me, myself and I.
I've always enjoyed being alone. I don't mind spending the whole day just by myself. Just me, comfy clothes and shoes, walking all over time. I'll just walk everywhere and anyway, visiting places I don't usually have the time or opportunity to do usually. Bookshops. Small little shops that are out of the way of main human traffic. I'm always looking for some place that's put of the way, just to avoid the crowds that so besiege this tiny island. There use to be this little corner at Sunset Way that I find surreal, but is no longer around, replaced by condominiums. There used to be the old Marina beach front which is now Esplanade area. I am running out of favourite places because they're all being over-taken by civilisation! Some favourites that are left - the area between Millenia Shopping Centre and the office towers, when there's no one around. But places like these are far and few in between, just cos Singapore is so darn small!
So nowadays I pretty much coop myself up at home, just because I'm so tired of jostling with the crowds everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Everywhere that I want to go, is always spoilt by the presence of too many hot sweaty people. And after a while, I degenerate to become one of them! Anyway, so I'll just ake leave one of these days, shut off my phone and chill out. This is probably what I'll do.
1. Watch a movie, in a near empty theatre (yippee!)
2. Have lunch somewhere quiet, and after lunch relax with a good book and an ice cold beverage
3. Walk around and do a little bit of shopping
4. Go to the library
5. Go visit the Esplanade (finally!)
6. Go swimming, and after that just lie by the poolside and enjoy the sun!
7. Go beach walk walk, with an ice-cream in hand!
And before I know it, it'll be time to go home. Sigh!
Yes! I shall plan for sometime in July! Don't ask me where I've disappeared to. And I may allow one or two of you priviledged few to join me, provided you don't make too much noise!
office. No hot sun preferably. Just me, myself and I.
I've always enjoyed being alone. I don't mind spending the whole day just by myself. Just me, comfy clothes and shoes, walking all over time. I'll just walk everywhere and anyway, visiting places I don't usually have the time or opportunity to do usually. Bookshops. Small little shops that are out of the way of main human traffic. I'm always looking for some place that's put of the way, just to avoid the crowds that so besiege this tiny island. There use to be this little corner at Sunset Way that I find surreal, but is no longer around, replaced by condominiums. There used to be the old Marina beach front which is now Esplanade area. I am running out of favourite places because they're all being over-taken by civilisation! Some favourites that are left - the area between Millenia Shopping Centre and the office towers, when there's no one around. But places like these are far and few in between, just cos Singapore is so darn small!
So nowadays I pretty much coop myself up at home, just because I'm so tired of jostling with the crowds everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Everywhere that I want to go, is always spoilt by the presence of too many hot sweaty people. And after a while, I degenerate to become one of them! Anyway, so I'll just ake leave one of these days, shut off my phone and chill out. This is probably what I'll do.
1. Watch a movie, in a near empty theatre (yippee!)
2. Have lunch somewhere quiet, and after lunch relax with a good book and an ice cold beverage
3. Walk around and do a little bit of shopping
4. Go to the library
5. Go visit the Esplanade (finally!)
6. Go swimming, and after that just lie by the poolside and enjoy the sun!
7. Go beach walk walk, with an ice-cream in hand!
And before I know it, it'll be time to go home. Sigh!
Yes! I shall plan for sometime in July! Don't ask me where I've disappeared to. And I may allow one or two of you priviledged few to join me, provided you don't make too much noise!
Corrections to High Fidelity!
I didn't know I'll get so much grief just from Episode 1 of High Fidelity. Now I wondering whether to continue with Episode 2, just in case I get more flak from the rest of the folks out there! Now that's one reason why I keep my blog private and only for those priviledged few!
Evie!: I don't mean that you're an elephant you sucker! I'm just refering to the expression "Elephants always remember." Those great big creatures are known to have super memories despite their small brains (and no I'm not talking about you Evie). Evie, my dear friend, remembers everything, and she doesn't ad lib! I'll just have to say the name of a person, the occasion, and she can renact the whole conversation for us. Amazing!! That's what I call Wonder Woman powers!
Plus, she also has the super powers to make me publish a correction to the blog. Maybe I should publish a public apology as well "I will like to apologise to Evie Khoo IC no xxxxxxxx for causing mental hurt and emotional distress to her" Anyway, the song that I'll like to dedicate to Evie dear, Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader, otherwise known as The Happy Song! Why? Because Evie and I are Happy People!
But of course, The Happy Song is not the only song that reminds me of Evie, any other retro clubbing song is reminiscent of the days we used to go out for dinners and dancing and drinking! In fact, Burger King also reminds me of Evie, since we ate there so often! Hahaha!
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Evie!: I don't mean that you're an elephant you sucker! I'm just refering to the expression "Elephants always remember." Those great big creatures are known to have super memories despite their small brains (and no I'm not talking about you Evie). Evie, my dear friend, remembers everything, and she doesn't ad lib! I'll just have to say the name of a person, the occasion, and she can renact the whole conversation for us. Amazing!! That's what I call Wonder Woman powers!
Plus, she also has the super powers to make me publish a correction to the blog. Maybe I should publish a public apology as well "I will like to apologise to Evie Khoo IC no xxxxxxxx for causing mental hurt and emotional distress to her" Anyway, the song that I'll like to dedicate to Evie dear, Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader, otherwise known as The Happy Song! Why? Because Evie and I are Happy People!
But of course, The Happy Song is not the only song that reminds me of Evie, any other retro clubbing song is reminiscent of the days we used to go out for dinners and dancing and drinking! In fact, Burger King also reminds me of Evie, since we ate there so often! Hahaha!
TO BE CONTINUED.....
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
High Fidelity
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. The loser in the book 'chrononologicalizes' his life using songs instead of using time, as most people would. But I, like the loser, have a very poor grasp of the concept of time, and so I too use songs to mark the significant milestones as well as people in my life.
People in my life in no particular order!
(Disclaimer: If you're not on this list, it doesn't mean I don't remember you as a person. Just that there's no song playing in the background when I visualize you in my head!)
Indian guy : Once upon a time, there was this Indian guy who tried to hold my hand. He was nice, but his hairy-ness freaked me out. I can't remember when he tried to hold my hand to cross the road (I believe he was sincerely being concerned, and not making use of the opportunity as many of you would think!), but it was the year Disney's Beauty and The Beast came out in the cinemas. The cartoon itself too was a monmentous thing. It didn't change my life in any way, but I tear everytime I watch it, even now. It was just sooo...amazing!
Guy friend of friend : Love at first sight? Haha. I'm not sure really. I'm getting old, and I can't remember loads of things nowadays, not like my friend Evie the elephant. Anyway, if anybody was to blame, it would be Mr Z who introduced us to each other! I'm sure though, Mr Z wasn't even intending to introduce us in that sense. He would know better than to introduce a good friend to someone like Me! Anyway, it was really a chance meeting that we became friends first. Funnily, the day I met 'Guy friend' was the day that I just saw off the Student Exchange guy at the airport (But he's another story altogether. And no, Student Exchange doesn't have a special song)
Well, all that was a long time ago. But the funny thing is, he's still very much there in my heart and mind. I mean, come on, why HIM of all people, if I really want to remember. But he's just etched there, in the corner of my mind. And I still remember the song - Sometimes by Britney Spears. We were out one day, this song just came on, and it just encapsulated everything I felt at that time but wasn't able to articulate. And even now, when we try to be friends, it seems like the same thing's happening all over again, just now, it's more of a friend-love. I guess a good analogy is, we're like 2 hedgehogs trying to be friends! They just hurt each other by being together!
You tell me you're in love with me
That you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But everytime you come too close I move away...
Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night...
TO BE CONTINUED....
People in my life in no particular order!
(Disclaimer: If you're not on this list, it doesn't mean I don't remember you as a person. Just that there's no song playing in the background when I visualize you in my head!)
Indian guy : Once upon a time, there was this Indian guy who tried to hold my hand. He was nice, but his hairy-ness freaked me out. I can't remember when he tried to hold my hand to cross the road (I believe he was sincerely being concerned, and not making use of the opportunity as many of you would think!), but it was the year Disney's Beauty and The Beast came out in the cinemas. The cartoon itself too was a monmentous thing. It didn't change my life in any way, but I tear everytime I watch it, even now. It was just sooo...amazing!
Guy friend of friend : Love at first sight? Haha. I'm not sure really. I'm getting old, and I can't remember loads of things nowadays, not like my friend Evie the elephant. Anyway, if anybody was to blame, it would be Mr Z who introduced us to each other! I'm sure though, Mr Z wasn't even intending to introduce us in that sense. He would know better than to introduce a good friend to someone like Me! Anyway, it was really a chance meeting that we became friends first. Funnily, the day I met 'Guy friend' was the day that I just saw off the Student Exchange guy at the airport (But he's another story altogether. And no, Student Exchange doesn't have a special song)
Well, all that was a long time ago. But the funny thing is, he's still very much there in my heart and mind. I mean, come on, why HIM of all people, if I really want to remember. But he's just etched there, in the corner of my mind. And I still remember the song - Sometimes by Britney Spears. We were out one day, this song just came on, and it just encapsulated everything I felt at that time but wasn't able to articulate. And even now, when we try to be friends, it seems like the same thing's happening all over again, just now, it's more of a friend-love. I guess a good analogy is, we're like 2 hedgehogs trying to be friends! They just hurt each other by being together!
You tell me you're in love with me
That you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But everytime you come too close I move away...
Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night...
TO BE CONTINUED....
Thoughts at a Funeral
My cousin's husband passed away last Friday evening. He just collapsed and died. Just like that. There were no signs, no warning, nothing. One moment he was talking about his work, and the next moment he was down on the floor in convulsions. He died an hour later in hospital. He didn't have a chance in hell. His heart just chose to collapse on him. And in that moment, the happy world as he knew it, collapsed around him, into inky blackness. He was only 29. He had just gotten married. He had a wife who absolutely adored him. He had many many good friends. He was a good man. He was fit and healthy and exercised often. But none of these things could prevent what happened to him, from happening.
His death set me thinking. I was angry. Angry that this young man didn't even have a chance in hell. There was absolutely nothing he could do to have stopped this from happening. At a single stroke, a young wife is left a widow, and his aged parents left childless. There's no justice in that is there? Most of all, i'm angry at my own helplessness. I didn't have the ability or capacity to comfort or to make things better for anybody. If I had taken the time to get to know the young man and my cousin, I can at least be a source of strength to her now. But right now I can't even do anything for a person I cared about.
The worst thing to be is to be weak when strength is needed; to be incapacitated when there is a need. When my father passed away, I couldn't do anything about it because I didn't even know he was dying. (Thank goodness my mum recovered well from his death!) The same sense of helplessness struck me at that time, and I was determined to never be weak when there was a need ever again. I must make sure I become a strong tree, in whose shade others could come to seek shelter and rest.
This time round, I felt helpless because I was not close enough to the family to be of help, through no fault of anybody but my own. Even though my cousin and I had grown up together, my aloofness distant me from her and her family. In my heart of hearts, I cared about them of course, but that sort of hidden emotion is of no use to anybody in times of crises. The lesson learnt this time, I will shed my aloofness and reach out to the people around me. It takes time. It takes effort. It goes against my very person to bare my heart to people around me. But if this is what it takes to make the world a wee bit better, it's what I'll try my darnest to do!
His death set me thinking. I was angry. Angry that this young man didn't even have a chance in hell. There was absolutely nothing he could do to have stopped this from happening. At a single stroke, a young wife is left a widow, and his aged parents left childless. There's no justice in that is there? Most of all, i'm angry at my own helplessness. I didn't have the ability or capacity to comfort or to make things better for anybody. If I had taken the time to get to know the young man and my cousin, I can at least be a source of strength to her now. But right now I can't even do anything for a person I cared about.
The worst thing to be is to be weak when strength is needed; to be incapacitated when there is a need. When my father passed away, I couldn't do anything about it because I didn't even know he was dying. (Thank goodness my mum recovered well from his death!) The same sense of helplessness struck me at that time, and I was determined to never be weak when there was a need ever again. I must make sure I become a strong tree, in whose shade others could come to seek shelter and rest.
This time round, I felt helpless because I was not close enough to the family to be of help, through no fault of anybody but my own. Even though my cousin and I had grown up together, my aloofness distant me from her and her family. In my heart of hearts, I cared about them of course, but that sort of hidden emotion is of no use to anybody in times of crises. The lesson learnt this time, I will shed my aloofness and reach out to the people around me. It takes time. It takes effort. It goes against my very person to bare my heart to people around me. But if this is what it takes to make the world a wee bit better, it's what I'll try my darnest to do!
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