Trying Too Hard

I wish radio DJs with their inane mutterings will just disappear into thin air. The reason why I hate listening to the radio is because in between the songs that i'm really enjoying and bopping my head to, the idiot DJ will come on air and just make some stupid cringe-worthy remark that sends me into fits of grimacing. Sometimes it's just too stupid that it's funny. But really, there's just so much stupidity I can take!

I chanced upon this last night.. Some radio station's organising some radio Blind Date, where some supposedly hot babe gets to choose between a couple of potential dates, on-air. So this question was posed to the potentials: What would you do if, you and your date were at some cinema, and you noticed your date is not really enjoying the show, while you on the other hand, were enjoying it thoroughly.

The idiot guy's reply: If she was really not enjoying it, I'll probably ask if she wants to just leave. And then I'll probably bring her someplace for a nice long talk, and check with her what it was about the movie that she didn't like. To me, it's really important that she enjoys what she's doing, and I'll make that effort to get to know what she likes blah blah blah blah...

I was like, DOH!! It's just a movie! Get some perspective for goodness sake! So she doesn't like the movie, what's the big deal! She can jolly well sit through it. If I can sit through my boss' boring monologues, anybody can sit through a boring movie. If she;s that bored, she can jolly well close her eyes and go to sleep. Why does she have to spoil other people's enjoyment just because she's a self-centered narcisstic whiner?

Why doesn't she like the movie? It's could be because she's bored to death of all the sword fighting and bish bish bang bang going on. Or maybe she's just too stupid to enjoy a movie that has too much dialogue. Or she thinks you're ogling Angelina Jolie too much, so she fakes boredom. Or it's your company she's bored with, not the movie.

If I'm the girl picking the potentials, I wouldn't choose this wuss to go out with. I mean, he's such a doormat. And talk about making a mountain out of a mole-hill, if it was me, will I want to go all the way to some beach, so that I can sit next to the sea-front, just to discuss why I didn't like a movie??! "Oh, because Lim Kay Tong's not exactly the most handsome of protagonists, that's why I'm bored. Next time, let's watch a movie with good-looking people. Oh, and next time, please don't choose a show with too talking; it gives me a headache." An analysis of the movie, and why I don't like it, in 15 second flat! Why do I need a 'nice long talk'?

Oh, maybe she's an intellectual who like to dissect a movie to pieces. "Nemo, with his undergrown fin, represents the marginalised group in society - the physically handicapped, and even the emotionally handicapped (the trauma he went through even when he was a little baby egg, almost being eaten by sharks). The movie represents the underdog's search for a better future..blah blah blah.. Oh, but I don't like the movie because Nemo's coloured." Double DOH!!

After such an exclaimatory tirade, you now know why I shouldn't be listening to any more radio. Or I will be inflicting these incoherent rantings on my poor audience. Plus there's only so much mirthless amusement I can derieve from this level of stupidity.

DOH!!

Propinquity

propinquity \pruh-PING-kwih-tee\, noun:
1. Nearness in place; neighborhood; proximity.
2. Nearness in time.
3. Nearness of blood; kindred; affinity

Propinquityas a concept; the one who happens to be there, gets it. Otherwise known as bring at the right place at the right time; or out of sight, out of mind.

You see it happening all the time. The great girl with the nerdy guy-next-door. The guy who smokes with the boss gets the promotion. The prince marrying the TV3 girl he saw on TV. Robert Downey Junior hooking up with the producer of some film he worked on. Brad Bitt and Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith. Tim Burton and Elizaabeth Taylor on the set of Cleopatra. Elizabeth Taylor and her gardener husband.

Heck, it's the same when it comes to advertising as well. Why do you think millions of dollars are spent on advertising? To bring the product closer to the customer; right into the Lust part of their brains if possible.

Given proximity and just a wee bit of time, you can make anybody fall in love with you. It's not very hard. That's why I'm convinced that if I just get close enough to Val Kilmer and/or John Travolta, I could get them to fall in love with me.

Turning Torso

My fascination with cool buildings continues...

I saw this in the papers yesterday. Known as The Turning Torso, this magnificient building models after a human torso in turning motion. Built by HSB Malmö (Sweden), it stands at 190 metres tall, and claims to be the tallest residential building in North Europe.

Whatever! It's just really cute isn't it?! I wish I worked in this building. But wait, there's the Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers building that I loved as well (See "Dancing Building" on the side bar)

Regurgitating

I'm going to be doing some regurgitating here, like some old cow.

I'm going to re-publish some of my older posts from MSN Space days, under Archives. For those of you who have had the priviledge of reading them before, well, read them again, they're jolly good if I may say so yourself.

For the rest of you, prepared to be bedazzled by my literary brilliance. (Yeah right!)

(Anyway, being the techno-idiot that I am, the regurgitation will take some time. So, be patient ok!)

Techno-Idiocy

I deserve the title of "Techno Idiot"!

I've been fiddling around with my blog the whole morning, trying to add in more stuff, but being HTML illiterate, I just ended up very very confused.

It's not fair! Why are the techno geeks making life difficult for us?! I'm entitled to a aesthetically beautiful blog with the click-ons and buttons that I want, even though I'm a dumb blonde!

Why do they inflict a "Links" for me, when I don't have any links I want to share? Why do they insist that I tell everybody else "about me", when I want to remain a nameless annonymous blogger?! Why I can't add other stuff into my blog?! Why why WHY?! *rant rant rave rave*

I'm a techno-idiot! And I'm proud of it!

PS Please please please somebody, teach me how to edit the HTML!

Kopi-C Kosong

I'm on a high! I'm on a roll!

It's a wonder what a difference my kopi-c kosong (coffee with evaporated milk, and without sugar) makes to the start of the day. By some strange conincidence, everyone of my colleagues sitting around me has had more than their normal dose of caffeine, thus making for a super chirpy atmosphere. We seem to be laughing at every darn thing that's happening. Loaded quips, snide remarks, witty repartee - all taking place non-stop, all at our clients' expense of course.

Now I'm arriving at the conundrum; to be a happy caffeine addict, or a grouchy caffeine-free person? Decisions, decisions, decisions....

My sentiments exactly....

A Coming of Age

I have reached the grand old age of 28, and will reach the big 3 in 2 years time. I feel old.

I know many of you will disagree, but do allow me to bemoan the passing of my youth. I promise to be quick about it and not be a whine about it.

It really didn't seem too long ago that I was still a fresh-faced 19 year old, waiting to start life in the university. Life was good then. I was happy; I had loads of time to do the things I loved doing; I had friends. Life was simply good. But then again, life was simple as well. I didn't have much to worry and think about except for myself - what to study and when to study, where should I hang out with my boyfriends, that sort of inconsequential things.

From then on, life seemed to have gone past in a whirl. I graduated from university; I joined the ranks of working people; I lived life. Living life - that seems to be a euphemism for the foolish stupid mistakes and wrong choices people make. There're seemed to be a block of time in my life that I have little memory of; it could be life was such a whirl that that it simply whizzed past and I hardly took notice, or maybe it's because that period was far too full of mistakes and stupidity that I chose to erase my memories.

But time has come and gone, and no matter how we lived it, whether we lived it well and good, or whether we squandered it away, there's no turning back of time, and her I am, at 28 years of age, wrint a blog about 'my life'. Were there any regrets? Not many people would have answered "No". Are there parts of my life I wish I could change? Seriously, even if I had the chance to relive my life, I'm not sure which parts I would have kept and which I would have thrown away. How does one decide which path is better? Even if I had gone down the other paths, I have no idea what it would have turned out really. Instead of thinking about what could have been, our best bet would be in living out the rest of our lives as best as we know how. There's no redeeming of time, and we really shouldn't have to do that; to redeem our past regrets through our future. It's an unnecessary pressure we put on ourselves, trying to 'redeem the past'. What's past is past, and what we have in front of us is our future. We may have lost our youth in pursuing foolish things, but that doesn't mean the rest of our life is gone. We do still have the rest of our lives in front of us, to do what we want to do with it.

Remember, it ain't over until the fat lady sings.

Bad Habits

I have a bad habit - texting while on the move. I can't seem to help myself; I just need to text the people that pop into my head when I'm moving from place to place. Probably a time-saving gesture, but still... My luck has held out so far. I haven't walked into an open manhole, or stepped on an inert cat lying conveniently around, or gotten knocked down by an oncoming stealthy car (You won't believe how often that has almost happened)! Well, not yet, at least... *Fingers crossed!)*

My other bad habits are numerous as well; and they too need immediate attending to, although they are less physically damaging (at least I won't get knocked down by a car!). I have this bad habit of hanging up the phone on an innocent person without saying goodbye. I'm imagining the enraged look on their faces, when people wish me "Bye! And have a gr..", only to be cut short by the sound of a dial-tone. Oops! Hee! I didn't mean it! Serious! A horrible and rude habit I know, but so innocuous it takes me a great deal of effort in attempting to kick the habit.

And another I didn't realise until recently; it's not so much as a bad habit, it's just not a good habit, and something that I have to be careful about. It's just that I have a tendency to sound really curt and stand-offish when talking to people sometimes. It usually won't matter actually, just that I have a face of the bitch, and when I have the speaking demeanour to match it as well, I become scary. Well-meaning new acquaintances have been known to shrivel up and die by a mere glance from me, and I was just glancing at them over a bowl of beef noodles, not paying much attention to them because the food was more important. And over the phone, I often come across sounding like some psycho with horrible murderous intents, and specialising in extreme cruelty. Sigh..I feel so misunderstood; having the heart of an angel, but the face of a bitch!

I think I've opened up a can of worms with ths blog. I'm going to be inudated with loads of other comments about my horrible character, loud, crass personality and who knows what other pot-shots you people are going to take at me. Have mercy, I pray, on this poor defenceless thing.

And no personal attacks please! I may be fat, but I can diet; you're ugly! Haha!!

*Proud*

And I thought my blog was boring and uninteresting, but it has actually inspired Garfian to start her very own blog. I can't tell you how proud that makes me. I feel like a proud mother whose child is starting her own blog. There's actually some purpose for my miserable existence on this earth after all! (Sometimes, my existence feels even worse than miserable; it feels pathetic even!)

Imitation is the highest form of flattery, and Garfian has paid me one of the highest compliments. I started writing a blog because I wanted to break out of boxed-up state of mind at that point. I also wanted to share my life with my friends and people around me - my daily struggles to be good, my moments of intense satisfaction and joy; not so much for anything else, but so that those who read my blog will know that they are not as pathetic as they think they are. There are others sharing the moments of intense disappointment that they feel, or who struggle to do the right thing too. And by sharing me experiences, I am hoping that it will encourage others a little. Though the road is long and hard and weary, or there may not seem to be any light at the tunnel, but hey, take heart, you're not the only one dealing with crap! Misery loves company; and the company may just alleviate your misery a little, putting things into perspective.

My strength may help another's weakness, and that's what I hope to do, to encourage another in their weakness, by the power of the written word. And that, will make my pithy existence, all worthwhile.

The Beautiful Sound of Silence

I am enjoying the beautiful feeling of being all alone in the office. There's complete silence. Well, save for the clickety-click of my fingers running all over the keyboard. Oh, and the weird Chinese music that someone has left playing. But other than that, the beautiful sound of silence. Maybe I should just lock everybody out of the office so I can enjoy this peace and quiet a little while longer. It's a wonder what that 20 minutes of pure golden silence did for me. My tulmutous heart rate has quietened down somehow, and I think my blood pressure brought on by this morning's incident should have receeded a little. I feel more in control of my emotions and my temper. I think 30 minutes of silence a day, really does keep insanity away.

Silence is a rare commodity nowadays, and it's worth its weight in gold. Reaching home after a long noisy day at work, with all the tele-conferences and meetings, briefings and vulgarities assailing my pooe ears, I really just want some quiet, a rest for my poor overworked ears. But there's the TV going on at full-pitch, and the hifi on somewhere else, and the PC computer game is happening at full blast; the next door neighbour's are fighting at the top of their voices, and the neighbours on the other side are making weird groaning noises and panting heavily. Arghhh!!! Why me?!

My fantasy house should be sound-proofed to block out all noise pollution. Never mind about leaving the windows open to hear the sound of birds' chirping and to hear the sound of the leaves rustling in the gentle breeze; we'll more than likely hear the crows' jarring croaks, and the sound of exhaust gas being blown out of choked and clogged exhaust pipes more than anything else, living in urban Singapore. Ha! Maybe silence will be such a rare commodity, I can rent out a sound-proof room, in 15-minute blocks, for exorbitant prices. *Evil laugh*

Wild World

eWee is leaving us. She has spent more than 4 years in the company, and I've witnessed her growth from a sweet young thing to a still sweet, but older and wiser woman. We were not friends from day one; she belonged to the sweet young things group, while I was more the older sophisticated woman (Haha!), but circumstances brought us together, and we've gotten closer ever since.

In this company, she has learnt many lessons, about work, about life, about friendships, about betrayal. She has made friends and she may have made some enemies as well, I don't know. She has shed tears of joy and friendship, as well as tears of disappointment or anger. She loved, she laughed, she cried, she yelled, she cursed, while all the time working, and learning and imbibing the wisdom all those around her.

Four years is a long time. And all too soon, it's now time for her to leave. She will be leaving the shelter of a place which is almost a second home, and her colleagues whom have become almost family, and venture out into the wild world.

Oh baby baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you as a child girl
If you want to leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware.

But I have faith in her, that she'll flourish out there. Her smarts and her willingness to learn will bring her places. Her big warm and sincere heart will bring her true friends. She has the capacity to grow and to learn to be a bigger woman than she was before. The next time we see her, she will have grown; deeper in character, greater in confidence and faith, and wiser in all things. I pray that she will not lose that within her, the belief that the world is a good place, with good people; the desire to do good and do better; the love for that is good and lovely and true.

I'm happy for her. I truly am. I'm happy that she's going to suffer in her new work place; loads of new work challenges, having to work with difficult people, travel non-stop, have a demanding and punishing work schedules. I can see that already. But I know that it's going to be good for her. All the challenges in life will only serve to make us better. She'll struggle for a bit, curse and swear a little bit, and after a couple of weeks of struggling, she'll start to grow into the new job. She won't miss her friends so much anymore. She won't go home to cry as often. She'll learn to manage the stress better, and not have sleepless nights and headaches. She will survive, and I'll be proud to be her friend.

All the best Evie!

Treasures in the Cupboard Attic

I couldn't sleep last night and decided to clear out my cupboards. Some of these cupboards haven't been touched for ages, and the thick layer of dust on the cupboard door attests to that. And I was surprised at the stuff I managed to unearth.

There were some of my old favourites clothes that I thought had disappeared. And to think that I could manage to fit into an XS blouse before. When did that happen? I don't remember ever being slim before! And my old favourite purple top. I just need to lose a weeeeee bit of weight to fit into it again. Actually, I think a bit more than wee bit is required. Darn! We all know what that means. Sigh.

And there was a whole pile of letters; from the 1st boyfriend, and then the 2nd, and then the 3rd, after which I didn't bother with being sentimental anymore. What's the point anyway?! The first love you never thought you'll get over? Now I have difficulty remembering his name when I last bumped into him. That was the first thought. Right after that, "Whatever possessed me even, to like someone who's now spouting a paltry moustache?! The mind boggles..." And then you realise with a jolt that you're no longer the same person you used to be. Back then, I had my whole life stretched out in front of me, and the possibilities were endless. Now, years later, I've lived and experienced life. I've made my mistakes and gone through the crap. I'm now a full-grown adult, with a suitably deep and dark secret past. Haha!

I'm not sure at which point things changed; at which point did I become a complicated person. Just like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

There was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and there's now Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Same characters, same story line, same oompa loompas, but the story has changed. The original 1970s version was simple and heartwarming. The story it had to tell the world was, "believe in your dreams, and it will come true". 30 years later, the world has become a more complicated place, and the orignal movie has grown darker as well. Maybe this places Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka character in the movie; a jaded, cynical complaicted adult justaposed against the innocence and simplicity of Charlie's character. Charlie may be a nice kid now, but there's no telling what he'll grow up to be; very possibly someone who's deeper and darker than his benefactor Willy Wonka even. I'm thinking Muslims children growing up to be suicide bombers.

And how did I ever get here in the first place? This is what happens when you stay up the night to plough through dark cupboard recesses; you become incoherent the next day. And you write a blog that started out nolstagic, and ended up, well, dark.

I Wish I Was Smarter

I wish I was smarter. (Note that I didn't say I wish I was smart! That's self awareness for you!) No one can read other people's blogs without feeling a little embarassed about their own inane scribblings. And the worst thing is, I would find my own blog stale reading as compared to some others.

Argghhh!!!! Why wasn't I born smarter?! And while I'm at it; why aren't I born richer, prettier, taller, slimmer, and with more hair!

That's the thing about us humans isn't it. We're never satisfied. The grass is always greener on the other side of the road. There'll always be more beautiful and greener pastures. We're never stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. But let's not miss the tree while looking at the forest.

My point is: Stay focussed. Let's not forget what the original plan is, and stick to it. The reason why I started a blog was not because I'm a great and prolific writer whose gems of wisdom will have the world eating out of my hand. It was my one stop towards self actualisation. It was my form of catharsis. It was for my own personal growth as a person. It was to share my life and the life's lessons with my friends. So let's not lose sight of that goal.

I may not be the wittiest writer around (although I wish I was). But as far as my original objectives, I think I've done pretty well for myself so far. And I still have my loyal fans (I love you too eWee and Wee-san!)

Goodbye.. I'll miss you...

It's Alvin's last day today, and he was sweet enough to give us farewell presents - a great big sunshiney Sunflower. I must say I was touched beyond words, because despite our friendly greetings whenever we see each other, we haven't had the chance to establish a good platonic friendship; much to my regret.

You know how there are people that you just like and trust when you meet them? Alvin is one of those people. I haven't had the opportunity to get to know him much but I know that he has a heart of gold, and the sincerest and warmest and biggest hearts there ever was in a person. I'm sad to see him go. It's always like that with us humans isn't it? We don't appreciate and enjoy a good thing until they leave. I'm beating myself up for not getting to know Alvin more in his stint in this office.

People pass in and out of our lives. And Alvin may be moving on to a new job with new friends and a new life, but I'm grateful for that phase in my life when he was a colleague and a kopi buddy and friend. Who knows, our paths may meet again in the not so far away future.

Hello Stranger

I like talking to strangers. While walking down the street or travelling on a bus, I sometimes have these incredible urges to pick someone to say "Hi!" to. But I don't want to frighten people, and at best, I'll probably get a rude stare or a mere shrug in response anyway. That has deterred me from over-friendly overtures on my crazier walking days.

In my younger days, when I used to still frequent the occasional club with my girlfriends, I'll just start conversations with strangers; the bartender when he's mixing my drink, the girls I meet while queuing up for the toilet, the chap on the next stool at the bar counter. I'll just think of the silliest thing in my head, and start from there. When caught off-guard, these strangers do show more candour and many a wacky conversation have I had. I've met a guy who drinks only orange juice at a club. Then there was this other guy who actually shaves his legs and armpits.

The ladies are usually cattier, but compliments work like a charm. Plus I get to know of great new shopping haunts or get to know of new beauty products to try out.

I usually stop when the going is good; I just wander off whenever I feel like it. More often than not, I leave without even knowing the name of the person I just spoke with. No need for such formalities and stuff. I was just looking for a chat you see; not for anything else.

Slowly Regaining Control of My Life

I'm slowly regaining control of my life.

I have a temp who is helping me with all the work admin backlog that has piled up over the last 6 months, and which I've tried to stash away under my desk. But with each day, the growing pile of crap seems to increase and grow at an exponential rate, becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. Now, with my new found though temporary help, my desk has been cleared a little. Things are looking better and brighter, as I start to have my work life filed away in neat compartments again. *Sigh of relief*

Please don't misunderstand. I'm no control freak, and I'm not starting to be one just yet. But it is nice to have some modicum of neatness and order in my life. It's not so much the disorder that bothers me, but messiness is just not aesthetically pleasing. I like seeing things in some sort of order, although not necessary alphabetisized or colour-coded.

I must say I'm pretty pleased with the way things are working out. After this mini 2-day admin clearing exercise, I'm looking forward to the coming in of a new colleague who will bring some form of order to the chaos that I call work. Things will hopefully fall into place better, with better processes, more clear-cut roles and responsibilities, and a breath of fresh air and creativity into my work life. And I must say I'm looking forward to it. I felt out of control before as things seemed to be spiralling out of control, and into some bottomless bit.

Life seems good right this moment; made even better that can leave the office in right about 15 minutes time!

Life in Mono

Life in Mono, by Mono is the sexiest song I've ever heard.

I first heard it while watching a trailer for the movie Great Expectations on TV, and I was immediately mersmerised by it. And of course, just because I liked what I heard so much, I had to watch the movie. It was a great movie, but that's another story altogether. Needless today, the song wasn't in the movie; I had to buy the soundtrack just to get to listen to that one song. And listened to it I did, over and over again.

I'm not sure what brought the song to my mind. Maybe it's because it's a rainy day; the perfect weather to be lying in between warm sheets, and also great for making out. With Life in Mono playing in the background. Perfect.

The Spider and The Fly

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly.

"Don't you think I'm handsome, and won't it be nice if we could be friends?"

"And see! See the muscles I have on my eight spindly spider legs! It's slightly freaky, but I'm convinced that it makes me look macho. Looks and brawn. Isn't that a great combination?"

"I may not have basic conversatinal skills; my minimum in a conversation is about 5 minutes, covering topics like how I have the hots for you, how hot other women are, and the weather. But I'm good at giving you loads of unwanted attention, and making you feel like you're some sex object, as well as giving insincere compliments loaded with sexual innuendo. This is my defination of charming."

"And I have a fast fast car! So fast you'll miss me whizzing by if you blink. I was stupid enough to spend loads of money fixing it up (I want to be an ah beng boy racer you see!). And hopefully, it'll work as a fly magnet as well. You won't believe the amount of attention my car and I get. It's really good for my ego and my self-esteem. You won't believe how much attention I need just to feel good."

"And I like feeling good. I think the word is narcissist. Olivia taught me the word. She says it refers to someone who likes himself a lot, and that sounds like me exactly. And that's exactly what I plan to do with my life. I'm going to do every damn thing that makes me feel good. Never mind if others feel lousy because of my need for instant gratification."

Having heard all that, the Fly turned a contemplative eye to the Spider, and replied "Well, if you think I'm as dumb as the original Fly, you've got another thing coming. Plus I'm not the vain type, so who you trying to sucker?! You're not even as witty and clever as cunning as the original Spider. You're a poor fake, and I can tell it from a mile off. Why am I even wasting my time having this conversation with you?!" And a toss of her pretty little head, the Fly was off, in search of more interesting and worthwhile company.

For the original Spider and Fly, go to http://ingeb.org/songs/thespide.html

Mission Impossible?!

I have a new resolution, and it's to be less of an attitude person. I shall try to be more docile and demure. Or if that's so impossible, I shall at least try to be less intimidating and fierce and scary. The wake-up call came because I was fed-up of people around me going "What's wrong with you?" just because I wasn't gesticulating or guffawing or talking in moderate tones instead of the high decibel level I usually reach during the course of conversations.

Plus it'll be fun to bewilder people when they see the new improved version of me!

Account Servicing

My life is not my own; it belongs to my client. If she wants a 10pm night meeting with the whole world involved, she gets it. If she wants to schedule a last minute meeting during lunch time, she gets her way. If she wants us to do three somersaults and then kiss the ground, we'll do it too. We're shameless when it comes to client servicing. We have no integrity; we know no shame; we spare ourselves nothing just to make the client happy. That's client servicing for you....

I currently have no life to speak of, because there's no way I can plan my calendar. She just sends of an email that says, "I want a meeting at 12pm.". No pleases, no i'm sorrys, no alternatives. WTF?!

Sweet Taxi Driver

The Citycab taxi driver that fetched me home last night was just so sweet. Even though he fetched me right to the doorstop, he told me he'll make sure I was safely indoors before he drives off.

It was a small gesture, but it served as a timely reminder for me, that for every idiot I meet out there, there is a nice sincere person that makes the human race still a worthwhile enough species to not wipe out with a single swipe.

Thank God for these little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love. It may be little, and I may not remember it after a while, but for that moment, it was a momentous and life-changing experience. It's not always the big things only that are life-changing. There are the little things that shape our lives, by roughening out the sharp edges. Nice.

Migration from MSN

I've finally made decision to migrate my blog. After too many unexplained deletions of my blog entries, I've finally gotten fed-up with MSN Spaces, I finally decided I had enough already, and here I am starting my virgin blog on this new site. I hope to goodness I won't be plagued with more technical crap. I like my technology to be simple and fuss-free. Ok, I admit it. I'm too stoopid to know beyond the mere basics of the technology at my finger tips. So, sue me.

Evie's Cure for Every Malaise Under the Sun

The blog seems to be very much about Evie today. When I told her the feeling of malaise I've been feeling the last couple of days. She tells me I should have more sex, to cure my sleeplessness problem. The last time I was feeling stressed, she told me I should have more sex, as it's a great stress reliever.

In short, I'm suppose to have more sex. That would solve everything. Gee, if only I had sex on demand. And with the amount of crap I have recently, anybody would think I'm some super-nymphomaniac, who needs and wants sex every other minute. That is really very inconvenient, especially in the office. So i guess I'll just have to make do with merely go "Ffffffff".

Evietism

Recently, I think I've suffering from a bout of Evie-tism. No, it's not what you think; it's not too much of Evie in my face. It's that I've been having the I'm-starving-but-I've-no-appetite thing that she always have. Before I go on any further, I must clarify this once and for all; I never ever lose my appetite. I don't think I'll still have space of a last bite of tiramisu on my dying bed, if there's time. So, it's really a strange thing, this loss of appetite thing.

Besides that, I'm also having problem sleeping at night. Which is another thing that I have to clarify; sleep is very very precious to me. I don't lose sleep for nothing.

I've also been feeling lousy about the job, and feeling like not working. But hey, that's nothing really new. It happens every other day.

So I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Where did this bout of Eve-tism come from?

It's a struggle to be good....

I was just writing about the proliferation of profanities in the office, and the increasingly pressure-cooker working environment my colleagues and I find ourselves in. The ways we try to relax is to have bitch-fest lunches and whine to each other over MSN Messanger. That has helped keep us sane to a large extent; afetr all, catharsis is a known alleviation of our sufferings, but then it is by no means a cure.

Because, despite all the catharsis I've been engaging in, I still find myself unable to manage the pressure. Not that I've blown up at a colleague or a client, and slapped them across the cheek, like I sometimes think they deserve, but I find myself increasingly losing control, not of anything else, but of myself. I think the worse thing is to lose control of oneself. It means that one is beginning to lack the capacity of keeping one's emotions in check, of keeping one's head calm, of keeping one's frustrations and annoyance under wraps. I try not to complain out loud as I'm prone to short outbursts of annoyance whenever something happens. I still keep my head cool enough to manage my projects. But I find myself feeling increasingly harrassed and frustrated and flustered, just because people ask me stupid questions (To keeps things in perspective, people are entitled to ask questions; it doesn't mean they're stupid). My patience is running border-line thin. And I'm becoming waspish. And I hate myself for succumbing to the pressure, and for being such a bitch.

Despite all my best efforts, it's a real struggle to be good. I have to remember what I told someone sometime ago: Try to keep your head above the water, even though the floos threatens to engulf you. By keeping your head above water, you can keep your eyes on the stars and can stay focussed. Or not, once you'll go under, you'll start to struggle and lose all sense of perspective and panick. That's another one of my analogies for you all to enjoy.

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

The people in the office have taken to a great deal more vulgarities than before. While it used to be the perennial favourite "S***" and "F***", the Hokkien versions are more favoured nowadays. It's also more common to hear pleasant goodbye to the client followed by a string of eligible expletives, right after the phone has been replaced in its cradle.

I blame it on the increasing pressure cooker environment that we are working in nowadays. Clients are trying to milk us for all we're worth, demanding 'value-add' for every thing that we do, while reluctant to pay any more. And it's definitely no fun playing middleman,because in order to accomodate the customers, we have to push our internal folks and vendors harder to produce good work. And that can sometimes be a more daunting task than dealing with clients. We need all the persuasive powers that we can muster, and feed them with as much as we can, just to get them to produce a piece of mediocre work. Sometimes, I wonder why they are called "support teams" when they offer no form or support when the rubber hits the road. More often than not, we have to protect and defend their work against clients who ask us why we are so stupid.

Some Days.....

There are some days that you really need a hug, and I think this is one of them...

- I got kicked out of MSN, more than once, and they don't even let me change my settings.
- The blog that I wrote today, which was oh-so witty and funny, and such a great loss to the literary world, got deleted by the genius of programming that is MSN.
- I'm tired.
- I've actually lost my appetite, which hardly ever happens. The good thing that came out of it is that Jonathan probably thinks I'm a small eater, since I lunched with Evie and him today.

As you can tell, more than 50% of today's problems can be contributed to MSN. I seriously should migrate to something else which won't make my bad days even worse.

Happy Birthday Singapore

I can't wait for 9th August! Frankly, it's the public holiday that I'm looking forward to. Life is a gruelling never-ending work-day for me so it seems. 5-days a week are spent meeting the requests of a now much-hated client. The very mention of her name sends shivers up my spine. The weekdays, supposedly rest days, is no rest for me, as I spent the bulk of the weekends teaching. And sometimes, preparing for the upcoming work-week ahead.

So one whole full day of rest is a luxury for me. No having to wake up early. I can wake up as late as I want to, have a leisurely breakfast, and just spend the whole day chilling out. No having to rush anywhere, and having to cudgel my brains in trying to remember math formulae, or dealing with unruly kids who play football while I'm teaching English comprehension. I can give my brain a break, and just spend the whole day not thinking. How nice. No venturing out, as we all know how crowded and congested Singapore is.

I hope they have nice cartoons on TVs on that day.