A Long Way Down...

I've been reading...

Ok, I know I'm not the only person in the world who is literate, and who actually reads books. But the fact of the matter is, I've been reading.

And one of the books I've come across recently ia Nick Hornby's "A Long Way Down". To quote, it's about "four characters who accidentally meet on top of a tower block, all ready to jump to their death on New Year's Eve".

It's all about suicide, and thankfully, not as morbid and as depressing as I thought it would be. In fact, it was quite funny at times, which seems paradoxical. Suicide is a funny thing?!

Anyway, you know those 'teaser' type sypnopsis they have at the back cover, to entice folks to buy this particular book out of the millions that are standing in bookshelves around the world? This one began with "Can I explain why I wanted to jump off the top of a tower block?"

Which reminded me of a book I read some time ago, the much acclaimed "The Catcher and The Rye" (J.D. Salinger). It's suppose to be a brilliant book, but I read it twice without finding why it was so-called brilliant. Then I finally figured it out, or at least I think I did. (This is MINE intepretation of the book, so sod off and be polite about it if you think I'm wrong!)

It's so brilliant because the streams of consciousness writing allows the reader to actually live his life, and think his thoughts. And the scary thing is, even as we're being him, the protagonist, we can't see his mind degenerating into madness. There's no distinct demarcation that marks out madness from sanity. There's no turning point that transformed the ordinary guy-next-door from becoming someone who's a little mad, a little crazy, a little mental who should be kept under supervision if not under lock and key.

This process of change is so subtle, so slight, so unnoticeable. A slight change in behaviour, some mood swings.. A little here, a little there, a bit at a time, and before you know it, you're suddenly 'there', waking up from some kind of trance, bloodied knife in hand, and bodies littering the floor.

Back to "A Long Way Down", the thing is, there's no "profile" of what a person who's planning to commit suicide is like. Some have obvious problems, like Martin Sharp the disgraced TV presenter wo has lost his job, his wife and children. And there's the mother who has a vegetable for a son, and whose future is a bleak picture of constantly caring for a son who is capable of nothing at all. Some are not so obvious, a girl who thinks she has lost the 'love of her life', and the boy who did not fulfill his dream of being a musician. The first 2 seems to have some good reason at least for wanting out of their current lives. But who's to say who're the ones who deserve to be depressed about their lives and who're not allowed to.

The point is, one may have a so-called OK life, and still end up choosing to end their lives. There's really no telling. OK people may still find themselves at the top of a tower block, peering over the railings, and feeling that incredible urge to jump down. OK people may suddenly just swallow the entire contents of a bottle of asprin.

"Can I explain why I wanted to jump off the top of a tower block?"

"Can I explain why I just feel like crying all the time, and not stop?"

"Can I explain why I just feel like leaving my wife, and my children and kids?"

"Can I explain why I feel depressed?"

And scarily, sometimes there's no explaining why at all...

Disclaimer: I'm not thinking of stupid things by the way. Haha.