That time of the year again....

It's that time of the year again.

The time of frantic present-buying, of crazy and futile never-ending parties, the obligatory peace and goodwill wishes to all men....

It's the time when all the cynicism in me rises to the surface and threatens to drown all and sundry in its slimy green meanness and sarcasm.

It doesn't help that I never get nice presents during Christmas. (I know I'm being unreasonable in expecting nice presents when I go around proclaiming that I'm not getting anybody any presents, but it's just me to be so unreasonable what!)

But I suddenly realised that this year, out of the blue, I do have some very nice presents, and they come in the shape of people.

That's the thing about me. I'm like the Grinch of Christmas, and I've always managed to keep people at arm's length, for some strange reason or other. This year, I somehow changed my mind about myself, and decided to try to be nice, for once.

And the people that I've known, some for years, suddenly ceased to just be people, but they've become people I really really care about, the 'if I go out I'll actually look keep an eye open for things they'll like' type, and the 'really feel like spending money on them' type of care about.

It's just so wierd for me. Being slightly happier than my normal maniac depressive Christmas state, and actually having presents this Christmas. Because I now suddenly have friends.

Oohhh.. Presents...

Surprise!

I realised that I talk a lot about people in my blog - about the people around me, people relationships, people problems, or simply just talking about myself, as a person.

And I realised how very interwoven are lives are with other people. Whether we like it or not, our lives are all about people. We live with people. Sometimes we live our lives for other people. We invest in people. We rely on, lean on, depend on people. We are influenced and affected by people.

People form the very basis of our lives. We need them. We want them. We can't do without them.

Unfortunately....

Or is it a fortunate thing?

I don't know. I can't quite make up my mind yet.

When I was younger, people relationships to me were so very simple and straight-forward. In fact, I had everything well-defined and worked out.

My best friend will be my childhood friend, and we'll grow up as best friends until the day we die. We will share anything and everything, and will live next to each other with our husbands and children.

Then I have other categories of friends who I categorise into geometric circles surrounding with me in the centre - they consist of the innermost circle friends, the inner circle friends, and finally the outer circle friends.

I will have one boyfriend who will eventually become my husband.

Life will be simple, because I had the job scope and description of the people in my lives are worked out.

But real life is never that simple and well-defined is it?

In real life, I had many good friends instead of one best friend.

My good friend became my boyfriend. Some of my boyfriends became my good friends, and some became people I don't want anything to do with as people. Others went from friends to boyfriends to enemies to boyfriends to enemies to boyfriends, and then, they just suddenly disappear.

I had colleagues becaming my good friends, and my good friends becoming my colleagues.

And then I had friends become strangers.

Really, with people, you never know what you're going to get. When you least expect it, a certain someone, from a certain somewhere, at a certain sometime, surprises you with that spark of friendship, and a spiritual, emotional, mental connection.

Here's to people, and surprises, and friendships...

Here's to W.E.L.O....

See-sawing

I am perched, in the middle of a long plank. The plank is elevated and rests on a single support in the middle.

I think in science they call it a lever and a fulcrum.

I am standing on the plank, right above where the fulcrum is. As I shuffle to the right, the plank tilts and the right end of the plank hits thr ground. A shift to the left causes the moment to turn anti-clockwise, and the end that was in the air previously, now lowers and touches the ground.

This, they call, the see-saw effect. What you see, becomes what you saw.

And this is called the see-saw effect precisely because it it so damn difficult to maintain, that equilibrium that will result in a perfectly level plank, while resting on a single point.

Brilliant!

Perfect equilibrium.

The one thing I always wanted to achieve.

As a kid in the playground, I attempted, with knees bent just so and with the overtly big butt angled a certain way, minute shuffles to the left and right, in order to achieve this.

As an adult in the playground of life, I apply the exact science of politics (or in my case, the lack of!) and the gentle art of persuation , in all that I say or do.

But it seems to be the case, that the older I grow, the harder it is to achieve...

the state of perfect equilibrium.....

The place of 'just right', where nothing else needs to be done or to be said, to make it any better than it already is. Because it is good enough.

But nothing is ever, just right. It's always....

Too much, too little....
Too early, too late....
Too high, too low....
Too deep, to much....

Too little too late.
Too much too soon.

Right place at the wrong time.
Wrong time, right person.

Should have...
Could have...
Would have...

A tad to the left.
A wee bit to the right.
Now, lean forward a little. (Not too much)
Thrust the butt out just a bit more.
Knees bent. Toes spread out.
Your arms should be at a right angle,
and not raised too high.

There... You've almost achieved it. The perfect equilibrium.

And then the see-saw effect comes into play.

Damn!

It is just me, or is it really too hard?
I give up.
I think I'll go and have a try on the swings instead.