I wish I wish....

I don't wish that I have more than 24 hours a day.
I don't wish that I have less work to do.
I don't wish that I've more money.
I don't wish that I've more friends.
I don't wish for life to be a bed of roses.
I don't wish that I'm smarter than the other person.
I don't wish to be infallible.
I don't wish to never grow old.
I don't wish to wine and dine finely.

But I do wish I can make better use of my time. I wish I have the ability to sleep less, but sleep better, so that I have more energy when I wake, to do the things that I'm suppose to do.

I wish that I'm wiser and smarter, and more effective in the things that I do, so that I can spend half the time, and accomplish twice the amount.

I wish that I can manage my money better, not to lust after things I don't need but desire because they look pretty and other people have them, but to spend money on the things that are worthwhile, that are of good quality and worth it in the long run.

I don't need more friends, but I need friends of good quality and high calibre; I need friends who will not hesitate to tell me that I need to work on improving certain aspects of my life, and who love me enough to not let me get away with being lazy and take short-cuts. I want, in my life, people I can love and respect and know well, not superficial friends just to pass the time of the day. Our lives are too precious to waste on people who are just not worth it.

I want a life worth living, but a lot of times, it means a life fraught with challenges and difficulties, because these are the things that causes people to grow and stretch themselves and to become better people.

I don't need to be smart, because there are people smarter than me for every ounce of 'smartness' I possess. I don't want and wish to play politics, so I don't need to be that smart! But I wish for wisdom, that wisdom that comes withy life, with experience, the willingness to be humble and to learn from everything and everyone around us. I don't need to many brains, but I do need to know kindness, to feel for the people around me.

I don't mind being 'fallible' if there's such a word or the oppostie of 'infallible', because after all, I'm human, and it's only normal that I sometimes fail. But I do wish for that indomitable spirit that never says die, that indiarubber quality that bounces up no matter what. Grant me the energy of the Duracell bunny, who just goes on and on and on and on, no matter what.

I don't want a magic pill that keeps me young forever, but I wish for enough money to keep me young with plastic surgery and botox and pills. Hahah! Joke! No, what I wish for is the heart that is forever young, the laugh lines that comes with a happy disposition. Because seriously, I rather be happy than be pretty. But of course, if I can be both, that will be a real bonus.

I don't need to eat expensive and exotic food, but I do need huge quantities of chocolate, and I do wish that chocolate will not make me fat!

Happy birthday to me!

I wanted to title this entry "Where's my birthday present?!", but I thought I should try for a little subtlety.

So, everybody, where's my birthday present?! It's already late, considering that my birthday's over. (For those of you who don't know when, you deserve to DIE!) So it had better be a good belated birthday gift that you're giving me!

How's that for subtlety?! *grin*

Birthdays have always been a non-event to me. I always tell my friends that there's no need to celebrate it, no need to buy me gifts, and that it's the thought that counts.

Well, this year, I changed my mind! I want my birthday to be celebrated! I wants presents, lots of it! I want the day to be declared a national holiday! I want as much fuss made over me as there possibly can!

(I think it's a sign of old age that I need my worth and presence on this earth to be validated by all and sundry.)

And here's my birthday wish list for the year.. Who wants to make my dreams come true, put up your hands!
- My very own yatch (No sharing mind!)
- My own toy boy (E's going to get that for me already!)
- Silicon breast implants
- Lifetime supply of high calcium soya bean milk (Who can get me just a cup! I'll be ever so grateful!)
- A song named after me (It's NOT fair that Niang and E's got songs with their names in it! I also
WANT!)
- I want certain people to grovel in front of me, and beg for mercy. One of them's obviously the one who forgot my birthday! (Off with his head!)

Well, obviously, it's a far cry between my fantasies and reality.

Here's the current pressies count so far...
- A book from Niang (First present of the year!)
- A whole carton of my favourite plain biscuits (PLAIN! Not even double chocolate chip deluxe or something!)
- Pending gift from E. She's getting me my very own toy-boy. So there won't be a need to share with her.
- Pending gift from Wee (After some threatening 一刀两断 our friendship! Blackmail is so useful!)
- I think I should make Garfianc give me a gift too.
- Then I might as well get Yeo Yeo, Addy, Old Mama and YY to get me gifts too. I can threaten them also. Especially Old Mama and YY since they cannot come for my birthday party!! (Grrrr!!!)

But I have been getting a lot of birthday treat requests. Their devious cunning plan, is to gather as many people as possible into one gathering, so they each pay about fifty cents of my meal (I eat like a bird you see, a big bird! Hahah!) Next time I have to make sure that these birthday treats are on a one-on-one basis, so they can last from birthday to birthday.

(Oy you people! Remember my birthday cake and candles! I want my cake to be in the shape of Big Bird ok!)

I can just imagine the amount of flake I'm going to get upon posting this entry. I'm so screwed. I'm going to get retribution big time when their birthdays roll around. But it's all worth it! Hahahaha!

I want....

I want to watch a movie, go shopping, or just wander the streets on a weekday evening.

I want to take up fencing, rugby, and rally racing.

I want to talk a walk through the park, by the beach. I want to take strolls in the cool of evenings.

I want to go hiking, mountain climbing, scuba-diving and travel to exotic unknown places.

I want to visit places where people are not interested in going, or dare not venture.

I want to do more stuff than I've ever done, and that I'll ever be able to do, in my entire life.

If only I am able to.....

Where is my piece of real estate?

Where is the place you call home? The place you call your own? The place of shelter and refuge that you go to in advertently. The place you feel most comfortable in, no matter what the state of your mind is.

Well, the thing is, I don't seem to have a place I can call my own.

I used to spend loads of time wondering the streets, just walking and enjoying the breeze, if there's any.
I used to go swimming. Underwater, it is surreal and peaceful, and sounds and feels nothing like the world above the surface of the water.
I used to spend lots of time in the old office, listening to music and just doing all sorts of rubbish.
I used to like sleeping a lot, because I go away to a better and lovlier place in my sleep.
Well, I don't do most of the above things anymore, or I can't afford to do them as often as I like to, for some stupid reason or other.

One of my favourite places of escape, is in my head. I can go anyway in my head, and nobody can find me there. I wander away in the middle of meetings, boring conversations, noisy crowds, even when people are talking to me. *grin*

Other than that, I emphasize, I have no place I can claim as my real estate.

I really should go on that diet....

I really should go on that diet I keep talking about...

Today, I ate more than three full whole meals.

I ate three oversized meals, and tea as well. I need only supper to complete the whole thing. Anyway, I'm now feeling like a stuffed turkey, so full I can't even breathe properly.

The day started innocuously enough with breakfast. Breakfast is an important meal of the day, and it's only right that I start the day well, with a good hearty breakfast of healthy whatever-you-call-it bread, and milk tea.

Lunch was a long-awaited for group lunch. We'd long prepared for it by making sure we ate nothing to hamper hearty eating during lunch. For the more disciplined, they probably starved a few days in readiness. But I couldn't tahan (Malay for "resist") not eating breakfast you see. (Just to let you folks know, an empty stomach in the morning always makes me grouchy and irritable. So let me eat something before you talk to me!)

So we had Japanese, and lots of it. We over-ordered , as usual! And in honour of the occasion, I managed to persuade the baker to bake us a cake - walnut peppermint no less. It was yummy! (And I was the greedy little pig who had two slices!)

Dinner was a reunion affair with the Hong Clan, but with only half of the clan. I believe the other half were out on assignment somewhere. (What to do.. This is how we suffer, until someone redeems us, or else, our bodies in its entirety, belongs to Niang!) And what happens when Niang's in a really bad mood is, we eat and we eat a lot. Why all that food? All the better to stuff her mouth with you see. We don't want to risk her mouth being empty, and free to form words. When that happens, the words that comes out of her mouth could all jolly well start with "c" - crude, caustic, curses. And we all don't want that do we?

And I was so touched. Because Niang bought me a present, and it was wrapped up nice nice, albeit with ordinary brown wrapping paper and string. It was shaped like a book, it felt like a book, and lo and behold, when I tore open the wrapping, it was a book!

(Did I ever tell anybody I love books? My idea of heaven is to be let loose in a big bookshop with carte blanche - anything and everything I want. My idea of talking dirty is "Read me! Dog-ear me! Flip my pages! Oh, that feels so good!")

And not only a book, it was something that Niang loved very much and wanted for herself very badly. The reason I know she was loath to give it away, was because I think I spotted her smeary thumb-print on the otherwise pristine cover. (If this were CSI, I'll have the case solved in a couple of ticks!)
I guess that's what love is, love is not love until you give it away. The greatest kind of love, is a love that is willing to give up something precious to please someone who is of even greater value.

And tonight, I feel like a million bucks... All thanks to Niang, E and Yumiko...

Not to mention, I feel like a fat little pig. I really should start that diet I've been talking about.