The immeasurable and unquantifiable quality of Love

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so all out of sorts recently.

Possible explanations could be PMS (I so hate being female sometimes!), or a lack of sugar, or too much sugar even considering how much chocolate I've been eating. Or it could be that my body is deficient in potassium and sodium chloride or iron or whatever minerals are swimming around in the body. Or it could be that I'm just going stark raving mad!

And the thing is, once I allowed myself to embark on this path of thinking and pondering and brooding over dismal and dispiriting bleak thoughts, I found myself on a downward spiral of which I couldn't get myself out of.

It's funny how I finally managed to snap myself out of that depressive state. It wasn't even a big momentous event, just a couple of small little happenings that coupled together, assured me that Somebody Up There is taking care of me.

The first event was when a friend texted me a message to inform me the friday meetings I normally have has been cancelled. It wasn't even a big deal, nothing too difficult or too stressful, just 3 hours meeting up with people and basically chilling out. But somewhere, it felt nice to have a break and have some free time for myself. So, Friday evening was spent with comfortable desultory conversations amidst piping hot dumplings and wonderfully sweet dessert.

One thing followed the other, and the keyboard classes that I have on Saturday afternoons ended up being cancelled that same weekend. Finally, a chance to sleep in, and not have to wake up with the ringing of the alarm clock! Oh joy!

And then, it seems that somebody must have read my mind about craving for crab for lo and behold, I was invited for a fabulous crab dinner on Sunday evening - black pepper crab from the famous hours-long queue store at Joo Chiat no less! Oh double joy! There was so much crab there wasn't even a need for anything else to feel filled-up. The feeling of bursting from the seams from crab - pure bliss!

Just when I felt that life was too tiring a journey, just when I felt that I couldn't move another step, just when I want to stop and sit down on the curb and sob from sheer tiredness, just when I feel that my mind, my body, my spirits can no longer be strong enough to support myself let alone somebody else, I'm reminded not once, but many times, through different people, through text messages and through innocent casual conversations, that I'm not alone, that my efforts have not gone unseen even if people have not been very appreciative, that Somebody Up There sees and knows everything; He even knows that I like black pepper crab!

It's a comforting thought, that there's a love so wide so long so high so deep, a love that surpasses what I can ever be able to comprehend and even try to understand with my natural mind, a love that will always cocoon me, no matter how utterly unworthy and wretched and contemptable I may be or I feel.

It's a comforting thought, to know that the Guy Up There will make sure that for every non-supporter that I have, there will be 10 others who will be behind me, that I am surrounded by people who have pure unadulterated hearts whose only wish for me is for me to do well and to be happy, that there'll be people who'll not only bend over backwards but will turn somersaults just for me.

And during the last few weeks and even these couple of days, they've been nurturing and feeding me with the good stuff, the stuff that uplifts instead of pull down, they've been cushioning me against the blows of this hard cruel world and its artificial selfish inhabitants, at least until I'm well enough and strong enough to deal with all the crap on my own.

At no point of time did I hear judgemental comments, sarcasm and disappointment that I am not strong enough, not good enough, not able enough. Their love has covered over a multitude of my failings.

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].