Friendship

I laughed.

Wikipedia actually has an article on "friendship".

Apparently, it is defined as the co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans, and which involves mutual knowledge, esteem and affection, and engaging in mutually helping behaviour such as exchange of advice and sharing of hardship. Other values which are often found in such relationships are - desiring what is best for one another, sympathy and empathy, honesty, loyalty and trust.

Well, I'm glad Wikipedia is so definitive and specific. In that way, I can certainly weed out quite a number of my, erh, friends from the original list.

Non co-operative or supportive behaviour? Out.
No esteem, no affection, no trust? Out.
No engaging in mutually helpful behaviour? Out.
Not desiring what is best for me? Unloyal? Untrustworthy? Dishonest? Out out out out!

For the rest of you who're left, please feel free to leave the room if you want to.

If you don't like my face or my voice. Or if you are angling for some short-term benefit of my friendship, of which I can assure you I have neither money or fame or connections, or anything else that can better your miserable lot in life. Or if you're only wanting me to up your friends numbers in your Facebook account. Or if you think I'm a hippocrite or that I'm not pretty/sexy/rich/clever enough to add to your entourage of ardent fans.

Please, please feel free to leave.

I do not want to waste my time and energy on those who are not worth it.

For the few who are left, you have my word that I will do my utmost to be your friend, to be all of the above, and even more.

Thank you for being my friend.