Aren't you all so sick of the run-of-the-mill shampoo ads showing women with digitally touched-up and special effects-y wonderful looking hair in shades of black, brown, red and yellow?
Yes, so am I!
Which is why I have this great new idea for a hair ad. The inspiration came when I was combing my hair by the window. As to why I'm combing my hair next to the window instead of in front of the mirror like most people do, well, you'll understand why as you read my shampoo ad script.
Scene opens with women putting on the finishing touches to her make-up in front of the mirror. (Oh and the woman should preferably be Asian with long dark brown hair and a big mouth, and obviously gorgeous. (If you're looking for a model, I'm available right now!))
Her hair is tied up in a bun or wrapped up in a towel or something, to show that the hair has not been "made-up". After finishing the last vestiges of her make-up, plucking the last stray nostril hair for example, she then proceeds to the windows, draws the curtains and hiffingly and puffingly opens the windows. (It's some old-fashioned windows because requires quite a fair bit of opening to, well, open.)
After having managed to open the windows, she thens un-tie her hair and it falls out, no, explode, into a horrifyingly tangled mess. She then proceeds to comb her hair with a huge nasty-looking comb with huge teeth. Her hair falls out in clumps and drops from the comb, floating down and down and down the apartment building and dropping unto a handsome young man. (I'm thinking Colin Farrell or Christian Bale or Chow Yun Fatt. Not Brad Pitt because don't like Brad Pitt, and I'm the one writing this ad so all 5 of you who are my ardent fans shut up!)
So obviously, the handsome stranger looks disgustedly at this strang clump of hair with beetles and spiders entangled within it and looks up, only to see a woman with Medusa-like hair. He screams and runs away. The gorgeous beautiful Asian woman (who looks like me!) puts her hands to her face and cries.
Ad cuts out to show a bottle of whatever shampoo with voice over going 'yadda yadda yadda great shampoo'.
Cuts next to scene of woman (which is ME of course!) strolling over to an open window and untying her hair again. But instead of revealing terrifying head of snake hair, the hair tumbles out, and for some strang inexplicable reason, is nice and neat and blah blah blah. (The hair colour is changed by the way. I want copper red hair!) She proceeds to run her fingers through her bee-yoo-tee-ful hair. (No need to use comb this time round because using the miraculous shampoo means not being able to afford a comb any more.) Daisies or some flower drops from her hair (It's a flowered-flavoured hair shampoo!), and drops down unto Mr Handsome again. (I think a single flower won't work, so there may be a need to drop a ton of whatever flowers unto Colin Farrell. (He's the first choice!)) Colin Farrell looks up and sees beautiful woman and it's love at first sight.
And they live happily ever after.
So I'll get to end up with beautiful red hair (And I'll no longer shed hair like a dog!), live happily ever after with Colin Farrell, and win the Oscars equivalent in the word of TV ads for my true-story-hair-ad!
Because I am so worth it!
PS In the meantime, before miraculous shampoo is discovered, what am I going to do about those stoopid stray strands of hair that keep disengaging themselves from my scalp! Argh! I'm so tempted to chop my hair short!
2 comments:
And what will your shampoo be called? And do you have a conditioner range too? Or is it a 2 in 1? Then are you going to venture into body soap too? Careful though, because that leads into perfume, and from there there's no knowing where it might go, the fashion industry, breakfast serial and hip hop. And you need a catchy slogan too, I don't think you'll get away with with "because I'm so worth it". How about "not shamPOO, shamLOVELY!" I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud here, you'll have to work with me!
Lust, Caution eh? Do I really want to watch "A mesmerising study in emotional cruelty" where the intensity of the sex is described as "far more honest and revealing than the secrets each lover tries to hide."? It sounds interesting. Erotic nevertheless, and not very funny! Possibly depressing! The Mirror reports: "Unfortunately, the scenes between the sex and violence, while beautiful, will test your patience." I'll give it a go though, just for you!
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