It's just one of those days. I got onto the train and it was packed to the brim; I felt like a sardine. I was so tired I was actually contemplating faking a fainting fit just to get a seat. Hmmm, maybe that's a little excessive. It will be so much easier just to pretend I'm pregnant. I should think I should able to fool people into thinking I'm pregnant, by dint of pushing out my tummy, by a lot of course. (I'm not that fat!) Or next time I'll shove a towel underneath my blouse or something. Thank God for good friends who are persuasive and quick enough in their sms replies to stop me from doing weird things like that. I think they're getting use to my weirdness. In fact, I have been getting questioned for acting normal, or trying to be nice and polite! These people are "normal prejudiced"! Such injustice, to be stigmatized like that!
And to you who's wondering whether I dare fight with you over an inflatable hammer at some mall, you don't know who and what you're up against. You're talking about me, who has no sense of shame or embarrassment. I can create a scene anywhere you choose, any time at all. I can even fist-fight you at the mall if you want. It's always been a fantasy of mine, after watching all those Hollywood action movies, to create a hell of a mess at a mall - smashed windows, water sprinklers on, blood (fake) everywhere, bodies (fake of course) littered all over the place. Oh, and the best part is, all the feather pillows from the Bedding section would have burst open for no rhyme or reason whatsoever (I know! The bad guys planted a bomb in the pillows and it exploded, blowing up all the pillows!), and feathers floating down from the ceiling and unto the blood-stained floor and covering the dead bodies making them look like chickens, and tickling the nose of the baddie who is acting dead! (The Bedding section was on the floor above of course. The exploded bomb blew up a big hole in the ceiling, and that's how the feathers floated down. There is always a reasonable explanation for everything, if you think hard enough.) Cool.
Seriously, with boredom driving me a little crazy and with so much time on my hands, I can do some serious damage any time, in fact, right about NOW. The last few days, I've been experimenting with frying bacon, to see how to get that nice crisp effect I want. So far, I haven't been able to get it right. I don't begrudge the time spent on perfecting bacon frying, it's just the waste of very good bacon that I'm pissed about. Plus, there's only so much bacon (damaged goods!) and eggs one can eat. (Yes yes yes! I'm not a very good cook. So can somebody now teach me how to make nice crisp bacon? Do you suppose I can google that? I'll go try!)
I'm bored. Is it time to eat yet?!
2 comments:
Why feathers? Why not, wait for it... HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS!!! And you can be there, getting soaked by the sprinkler, and Kurt Russel can be the baddie... And Russel Crowe could be in the flick too, in his Gladiator outfit, inflatable hammer and all! And then you could pretend to be a manakin before rushing out the store so as to engage in the cliched and inevitable car chase down the wrong way of a sunny motorway and shoot from out the back window and everything... Then, once the car gets blown up, and you survive the crash, soaked from the sprinkler, bruised from the fist fight, scraped from the gun fight, clothes ripped from the dog fight and scratched from the car chase, you can walk to the train station, gun in hand, running mascara and all that, step on a train, and say: "Who is going to give up their seat for a lady?" Fades to black, credit roll!
I think I should invent a ball, whith a nice padding which allows women to put their shopping and whatnot in before placing it up their top so as to look pregnant and get priority treatment on the train on their way home! Ingenius or what?
But I don't like Russell Crowe!
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