Puddin' and Pie!

Georgie Porgie, Puddin' and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran away

You know, I've always wanted to know more about this Georgie Porgie person. Who is he, and where does he come from? Why the penchant for desserts and specifically pudding and pie? What type of pie did he like particularly? Georgie Porgie is really quite an enigma to us living in the 21st century isn't he? Now what sort of person is he, really?

We have often quoted the very popular nursery rhyme, but have we thought about what it really says, and how much it tells us about the mysterious Grorgie Porgie?

Let us first look at the second line. Georgie happens to be quite adept at kissing the girls and making them cry. Shall we take a moment at exploring that? Why does Georgie kiss the girls and make them cry? Did he just like kissing girls, and somehow or other, the girls he kissed all ended up sadly crying, by no real fault of his? Or does a more sinister explanation lie behind all that kissing? Was Georgie's desired result the making of girls cry, and the kissing, merely a means to an end? He could have tried any number of ways to make them cry really - butchering their fingers, crushing their ribs - it's just that his preferred modus operandi was using his pursed lips. In other words, is Georgie really a sick twisted boy who enjoyed the warm wet nectar of little girls' tears that when combined with sweat and their babyishly sweet natural tastes, forms a potent concoction of sweet deliverance to dear dear Georgie?

And who were these girls that Georgie made cry? And why were they willing to let Georgie kiss them? Perhaps he was as handsome as a prince? Were just hussies who have a reputation? Or were they silly gullible naive girls? Possibly, Georgie was just very glib and persuasive in a unsuspectingly sincere way that girls can't recognise as signs to stay away, just because they weren't the normal tell-tale signs of "Trouble. Bad news. Stay away from this boy". And I wonder how many girls Georgie kissed in his life-time; and at what rate of change in any given unit of time, or otherwise known as "frequency"?

And the strangest thing of all is, Georgie Porgie ran away once the rest of the boys came out? His subterfuge and his unwillingness to be seen, especially by men seems to suggest an adhorrence of anything and everything phallic. Was he traumatised as a boy and is that the explanation for why he wanted to hurt girls and make them cry?

Or was it a physical deformity that he was trying to hide, but despite his obvious handicap, his sweet looks and his gentle voice bewitched woman into giving him their kisses and they cry from pity? Perhaps Georgie had a weight problem; after all, he did like his desserts! And when it was time for the crueller species to come out, Georgie ran swiftly away into the safety of the darkness, leaving behind remains of fresh tears of shame, intermingled with the pitying tears of the girls he left behind.

So now begs the question. Who is Georgie Porgie, what is he? Is he a harmless cheeky boy playing tricks on little girls. Is he a sick perverted serial kisser? Or is he just a fat guy who couldn't endure the taunts of other boys and who really likes sticky toffee pudding and blueberry pie?