I just don't get it!
I decided to have a go at the Vanilla Jam Muffins, a recipe from which I got off some TV cooking show. (Yes, I'm obviously more the TV addict than the cooking enthusiast!)
All the ingredients. The correct ingredients and not weird substitutes. Check.
The printed recipe in front of me, in bold print. Check.
An oven. Check.
Enthusiasm at finally perhaps being able to make decent muffins. Double check.
I got all the ingredients, the right ingredients. I followed them step by step. I even pre-heated the oven like the recipe asked me to do instead of dumping the muffin tray into a un-pre-heated oven. But the muffins still came out all weird. In fact, they turned out weirder than my not following a recipe.
I measure, I sift, I mix, I put the gooey mush into little cute muffin cups in a muffin tray. I pre-heat ovens and use oven mitts with wee little daisies on them. I even let the muffins 'rest' for 15 minutes after taking them out of the oven for goodness sakes!!
I mean, what more does the muffin want from me?! I should go on and knees and kowtow to it right after I place it in the oven, so it'll come out all nice and fluffy and yummy for me, instead of all weird?! These muffin things are seriously demanding! I'm not sure I'm ready for a muffin committment at this point in time. I'm just not ready!
That's it! No more following recipes for me. Oh rather, no more attempts at making muffins.
This time round, the muffins came out all gooey and sticky because of the jam fillings I was suppose to add. The last time, the muffins came out like cookies, in paper cups. Not too bad tasting, but still, they were suppose to be muffins, not cookies!
What's it going to take just for my muffins to turn out un-weird?! After all, these are suppose to be the simpliest things to make; it's not suppose to be that hard!
Forget it, I think I'll just go make cookies instead. The flat ones, and not round ones in paper-cups.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Hey wait a minute!
Where are the Simpsons yellow?!
Can they be, is it even possible, are they actually really, Chinese?!
*GASP*
Can they be, is it even possible, are they actually really, Chinese?!
*GASP*
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Because I am so worth it
Aren't you all so sick of the run-of-the-mill shampoo ads showing women with digitally touched-up and special effects-y wonderful looking hair in shades of black, brown, red and yellow?
Yes, so am I!
Which is why I have this great new idea for a hair ad. The inspiration came when I was combing my hair by the window. As to why I'm combing my hair next to the window instead of in front of the mirror like most people do, well, you'll understand why as you read my shampoo ad script.
Scene opens with women putting on the finishing touches to her make-up in front of the mirror. (Oh and the woman should preferably be Asian with long dark brown hair and a big mouth, and obviously gorgeous. (If you're looking for a model, I'm available right now!))
Her hair is tied up in a bun or wrapped up in a towel or something, to show that the hair has not been "made-up". After finishing the last vestiges of her make-up, plucking the last stray nostril hair for example, she then proceeds to the windows, draws the curtains and hiffingly and puffingly opens the windows. (It's some old-fashioned windows because requires quite a fair bit of opening to, well, open.)
After having managed to open the windows, she thens un-tie her hair and it falls out, no, explode, into a horrifyingly tangled mess. She then proceeds to comb her hair with a huge nasty-looking comb with huge teeth. Her hair falls out in clumps and drops from the comb, floating down and down and down the apartment building and dropping unto a handsome young man. (I'm thinking Colin Farrell or Christian Bale or Chow Yun Fatt. Not Brad Pitt because don't like Brad Pitt, and I'm the one writing this ad so all 5 of you who are my ardent fans shut up!)
So obviously, the handsome stranger looks disgustedly at this strang clump of hair with beetles and spiders entangled within it and looks up, only to see a woman with Medusa-like hair. He screams and runs away. The gorgeous beautiful Asian woman (who looks like me!) puts her hands to her face and cries.
Ad cuts out to show a bottle of whatever shampoo with voice over going 'yadda yadda yadda great shampoo'.
Cuts next to scene of woman (which is ME of course!) strolling over to an open window and untying her hair again. But instead of revealing terrifying head of snake hair, the hair tumbles out, and for some strang inexplicable reason, is nice and neat and blah blah blah. (The hair colour is changed by the way. I want copper red hair!) She proceeds to run her fingers through her bee-yoo-tee-ful hair. (No need to use comb this time round because using the miraculous shampoo means not being able to afford a comb any more.) Daisies or some flower drops from her hair (It's a flowered-flavoured hair shampoo!), and drops down unto Mr Handsome again. (I think a single flower won't work, so there may be a need to drop a ton of whatever flowers unto Colin Farrell. (He's the first choice!)) Colin Farrell looks up and sees beautiful woman and it's love at first sight.
And they live happily ever after.
So I'll get to end up with beautiful red hair (And I'll no longer shed hair like a dog!), live happily ever after with Colin Farrell, and win the Oscars equivalent in the word of TV ads for my true-story-hair-ad!
Because I am so worth it!
PS In the meantime, before miraculous shampoo is discovered, what am I going to do about those stoopid stray strands of hair that keep disengaging themselves from my scalp! Argh! I'm so tempted to chop my hair short!
Yes, so am I!
Which is why I have this great new idea for a hair ad. The inspiration came when I was combing my hair by the window. As to why I'm combing my hair next to the window instead of in front of the mirror like most people do, well, you'll understand why as you read my shampoo ad script.
Scene opens with women putting on the finishing touches to her make-up in front of the mirror. (Oh and the woman should preferably be Asian with long dark brown hair and a big mouth, and obviously gorgeous. (If you're looking for a model, I'm available right now!))
Her hair is tied up in a bun or wrapped up in a towel or something, to show that the hair has not been "made-up". After finishing the last vestiges of her make-up, plucking the last stray nostril hair for example, she then proceeds to the windows, draws the curtains and hiffingly and puffingly opens the windows. (It's some old-fashioned windows because requires quite a fair bit of opening to, well, open.)
After having managed to open the windows, she thens un-tie her hair and it falls out, no, explode, into a horrifyingly tangled mess. She then proceeds to comb her hair with a huge nasty-looking comb with huge teeth. Her hair falls out in clumps and drops from the comb, floating down and down and down the apartment building and dropping unto a handsome young man. (I'm thinking Colin Farrell or Christian Bale or Chow Yun Fatt. Not Brad Pitt because don't like Brad Pitt, and I'm the one writing this ad so all 5 of you who are my ardent fans shut up!)
So obviously, the handsome stranger looks disgustedly at this strang clump of hair with beetles and spiders entangled within it and looks up, only to see a woman with Medusa-like hair. He screams and runs away. The gorgeous beautiful Asian woman (who looks like me!) puts her hands to her face and cries.
Ad cuts out to show a bottle of whatever shampoo with voice over going 'yadda yadda yadda great shampoo'.
Cuts next to scene of woman (which is ME of course!) strolling over to an open window and untying her hair again. But instead of revealing terrifying head of snake hair, the hair tumbles out, and for some strang inexplicable reason, is nice and neat and blah blah blah. (The hair colour is changed by the way. I want copper red hair!) She proceeds to run her fingers through her bee-yoo-tee-ful hair. (No need to use comb this time round because using the miraculous shampoo means not being able to afford a comb any more.) Daisies or some flower drops from her hair (It's a flowered-flavoured hair shampoo!), and drops down unto Mr Handsome again. (I think a single flower won't work, so there may be a need to drop a ton of whatever flowers unto Colin Farrell. (He's the first choice!)) Colin Farrell looks up and sees beautiful woman and it's love at first sight.
And they live happily ever after.
So I'll get to end up with beautiful red hair (And I'll no longer shed hair like a dog!), live happily ever after with Colin Farrell, and win the Oscars equivalent in the word of TV ads for my true-story-hair-ad!
Because I am so worth it!
PS In the meantime, before miraculous shampoo is discovered, what am I going to do about those stoopid stray strands of hair that keep disengaging themselves from my scalp! Argh! I'm so tempted to chop my hair short!
Friday, July 18, 2008
One of those days...
It's just one of those days. I got onto the train and it was packed to the brim; I felt like a sardine. I was so tired I was actually contemplating faking a fainting fit just to get a seat. Hmmm, maybe that's a little excessive. It will be so much easier just to pretend I'm pregnant. I should think I should able to fool people into thinking I'm pregnant, by dint of pushing out my tummy, by a lot of course. (I'm not that fat!) Or next time I'll shove a towel underneath my blouse or something. Thank God for good friends who are persuasive and quick enough in their sms replies to stop me from doing weird things like that. I think they're getting use to my weirdness. In fact, I have been getting questioned for acting normal, or trying to be nice and polite! These people are "normal prejudiced"! Such injustice, to be stigmatized like that!
And to you who's wondering whether I dare fight with you over an inflatable hammer at some mall, you don't know who and what you're up against. You're talking about me, who has no sense of shame or embarrassment. I can create a scene anywhere you choose, any time at all. I can even fist-fight you at the mall if you want. It's always been a fantasy of mine, after watching all those Hollywood action movies, to create a hell of a mess at a mall - smashed windows, water sprinklers on, blood (fake) everywhere, bodies (fake of course) littered all over the place. Oh, and the best part is, all the feather pillows from the Bedding section would have burst open for no rhyme or reason whatsoever (I know! The bad guys planted a bomb in the pillows and it exploded, blowing up all the pillows!), and feathers floating down from the ceiling and unto the blood-stained floor and covering the dead bodies making them look like chickens, and tickling the nose of the baddie who is acting dead! (The Bedding section was on the floor above of course. The exploded bomb blew up a big hole in the ceiling, and that's how the feathers floated down. There is always a reasonable explanation for everything, if you think hard enough.) Cool.
Seriously, with boredom driving me a little crazy and with so much time on my hands, I can do some serious damage any time, in fact, right about NOW. The last few days, I've been experimenting with frying bacon, to see how to get that nice crisp effect I want. So far, I haven't been able to get it right. I don't begrudge the time spent on perfecting bacon frying, it's just the waste of very good bacon that I'm pissed about. Plus, there's only so much bacon (damaged goods!) and eggs one can eat. (Yes yes yes! I'm not a very good cook. So can somebody now teach me how to make nice crisp bacon? Do you suppose I can google that? I'll go try!)
I'm bored. Is it time to eat yet?!
And to you who's wondering whether I dare fight with you over an inflatable hammer at some mall, you don't know who and what you're up against. You're talking about me, who has no sense of shame or embarrassment. I can create a scene anywhere you choose, any time at all. I can even fist-fight you at the mall if you want. It's always been a fantasy of mine, after watching all those Hollywood action movies, to create a hell of a mess at a mall - smashed windows, water sprinklers on, blood (fake) everywhere, bodies (fake of course) littered all over the place. Oh, and the best part is, all the feather pillows from the Bedding section would have burst open for no rhyme or reason whatsoever (I know! The bad guys planted a bomb in the pillows and it exploded, blowing up all the pillows!), and feathers floating down from the ceiling and unto the blood-stained floor and covering the dead bodies making them look like chickens, and tickling the nose of the baddie who is acting dead! (The Bedding section was on the floor above of course. The exploded bomb blew up a big hole in the ceiling, and that's how the feathers floated down. There is always a reasonable explanation for everything, if you think hard enough.) Cool.
Seriously, with boredom driving me a little crazy and with so much time on my hands, I can do some serious damage any time, in fact, right about NOW. The last few days, I've been experimenting with frying bacon, to see how to get that nice crisp effect I want. So far, I haven't been able to get it right. I don't begrudge the time spent on perfecting bacon frying, it's just the waste of very good bacon that I'm pissed about. Plus, there's only so much bacon (damaged goods!) and eggs one can eat. (Yes yes yes! I'm not a very good cook. So can somebody now teach me how to make nice crisp bacon? Do you suppose I can google that? I'll go try!)
I'm bored. Is it time to eat yet?!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Desperate Housewives
You know why those housewives are desperate?
They are desperate because they are BORED!
They don't work, with the exception of Lynn. They don't do housework, not really.
That's why they desperately go around skimpily-dressed and having affairs and getting involved in murders and what not.
And never mind how bored I am, I simply cannot stomach watching THAT on TV! I would rather stare at the ceiling anyday!
They are desperate because they are BORED!
They don't work, with the exception of Lynn. They don't do housework, not really.
That's why they desperately go around skimpily-dressed and having affairs and getting involved in murders and what not.
And never mind how bored I am, I simply cannot stomach watching THAT on TV! I would rather stare at the ceiling anyday!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Where do I put my hands?!
My arms hurt.
I've been waking up in the mornings with aching arms, feeling like I've just done a gadzillion push-ups and what-not instead of, well, just do what people do at night - sleep!
Last night, as I lay my head down to rest, I realised that I quite unconsciously folded my arms across my chest, like a corpse in a coffin. (If somebody wants to custom make a coffin bed for me, I will look exactly like the dead person at the funeral, yes I will!)
So I tried to straighten out my hands. But it felt really weird. I didn't know whether to leave my hands palms facing up and down, whether I should scrunch my hands up into a ball or just leave it loosely opened up with fingers slightly curled? How much of an angle should be between my arm length and the side of my body, 45 degrees is too much and 5 degrees will not accomodate my big butt. It was so complicated, figuring out where to PUT MY HANDS!
A solution will be, removable hands. Every night, before I go to bed, I will just have to un-screw my entire arm from the shoulder socket, and then screw it back on every morning upon waking up. The only problem is, who's going to help me take off my other arm once one arm is removed at nights, and in the morning, how am I even going to start putting back on one arm?
Could it be, can it be, would the answer possibly be, magnetic arms which could easily magnetised and de-magnetised using electricity?!
By Jove, I think I've got it!
I've been waking up in the mornings with aching arms, feeling like I've just done a gadzillion push-ups and what-not instead of, well, just do what people do at night - sleep!
Last night, as I lay my head down to rest, I realised that I quite unconsciously folded my arms across my chest, like a corpse in a coffin. (If somebody wants to custom make a coffin bed for me, I will look exactly like the dead person at the funeral, yes I will!)
So I tried to straighten out my hands. But it felt really weird. I didn't know whether to leave my hands palms facing up and down, whether I should scrunch my hands up into a ball or just leave it loosely opened up with fingers slightly curled? How much of an angle should be between my arm length and the side of my body, 45 degrees is too much and 5 degrees will not accomodate my big butt. It was so complicated, figuring out where to PUT MY HANDS!
A solution will be, removable hands. Every night, before I go to bed, I will just have to un-screw my entire arm from the shoulder socket, and then screw it back on every morning upon waking up. The only problem is, who's going to help me take off my other arm once one arm is removed at nights, and in the morning, how am I even going to start putting back on one arm?
Could it be, can it be, would the answer possibly be, magnetic arms which could easily magnetised and de-magnetised using electricity?!
By Jove, I think I've got it!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
I don't really have an opinion.
There are a lot of things about the world that I can't quite understand or figure out. And one of the strange phenomena that I never could understand is, the presence of opinionated people on earth. I can't get how these people are able to feel so decidedly and strongly about everything and every person on this earth; when I can't even decided on whether I prefer french fries or baked potatoes.
I'm scared, no, actually, I'm terrified of having an opinion sometimes. I'm a person who cannot decide whether I'm left-wing or right-wing, whether I'm for democracy or socialism or communism or whatever-ism there is. Am I a fence-sitter? Am I an apathetic ignorant fool? Am I an uneducated person who is incapable of logical rational reasoning or thinking? Am I an indecisive wish-washy person who is easily swayed by other people's opinions?
I wish I could lay claim to all of the above, because it will just make life so much easier, not having any brains to think and rationalise and taking things at just face value, and therefore not exciting any sort of expectations of any sort. But my point is, by agreeing and validating a single view-point, a single political or social system, a single philosophy, a single whatever; having one and only one view-point, isn't that too simplistic a view of anything and everything, and just taking things at face value? While there are some things that cannot be compromised, like morals and certain values, I do hate it when people dictate absolute opinions and condemn absolutely and with no room for argument other opinions and theories.
In school, when I learnt Economics, every theory that was put forth always had a set of assumptions in order for that theory to work. In order for Perfect Competition to work, prefect world conditions had to be assumed. Take that away, and the economic theory of trade based on Perfect Competition falls apart. And I think that is a very sensible approach to anything and everything. Take Communism for example, given the correct conditions and with a structure and system in place, it could jolly well work! It's just a pity that there are greedy people in this world who hoard the resources instead of distributing them out, and even if we have perfect people, people aren't just smart enough to administer billions of dollars worth of resources for millions of people anyway. At least not yet, until they build a super computer maybe. On the other end of the spectrum, democracy is well and good, but if the masses of people that could vote and influence important decisions are just not capable of making good and wise decisions, we'll just end up having a popular decision but a bad one that hurts everyone. So can we say the democracy or communism, or socialism or whatever is the panacea to all the ills of a single society? So I just don't get how can anyone so absolutely deride and denounce and condemn anything so absolutely.
As with riding a bicycle, there should be a balanced approach, considering the wind factor, the road conditions, the social environment. Some people just need tricycles; they're not able to ride the mountain bikes yet. Some ride at a leisurely pace, and there are people like Lance Armstrong who can amazingly ride and ride for miles and miles and miles. So who's to say what is the one type of bike everybody should own. I personally, will go for a stationary bike because I am a road hazard on the road with a bicycle. And yes this analogy is not the best analogy yet, but I can't come up with a better one presently. You'll have to wait until I become less stoopid about things. I'll let you know when that happens.
In the meantime, if I don't proffer my opinion, it will probably mean that I either don't have one, which is the case a lot of times (I'm an ignorant fool you see!), or that I have one, but I'm willing to hear what you have to say and am open to an alternative viewpoint. Please don't try to shove your opinion down my throat though, because that is one thing I am absolute about, I hate pompous and arrogant know-it-alls.
I'm scared, no, actually, I'm terrified of having an opinion sometimes. I'm a person who cannot decide whether I'm left-wing or right-wing, whether I'm for democracy or socialism or communism or whatever-ism there is. Am I a fence-sitter? Am I an apathetic ignorant fool? Am I an uneducated person who is incapable of logical rational reasoning or thinking? Am I an indecisive wish-washy person who is easily swayed by other people's opinions?
I wish I could lay claim to all of the above, because it will just make life so much easier, not having any brains to think and rationalise and taking things at just face value, and therefore not exciting any sort of expectations of any sort. But my point is, by agreeing and validating a single view-point, a single political or social system, a single philosophy, a single whatever; having one and only one view-point, isn't that too simplistic a view of anything and everything, and just taking things at face value? While there are some things that cannot be compromised, like morals and certain values, I do hate it when people dictate absolute opinions and condemn absolutely and with no room for argument other opinions and theories.
In school, when I learnt Economics, every theory that was put forth always had a set of assumptions in order for that theory to work. In order for Perfect Competition to work, prefect world conditions had to be assumed. Take that away, and the economic theory of trade based on Perfect Competition falls apart. And I think that is a very sensible approach to anything and everything. Take Communism for example, given the correct conditions and with a structure and system in place, it could jolly well work! It's just a pity that there are greedy people in this world who hoard the resources instead of distributing them out, and even if we have perfect people, people aren't just smart enough to administer billions of dollars worth of resources for millions of people anyway. At least not yet, until they build a super computer maybe. On the other end of the spectrum, democracy is well and good, but if the masses of people that could vote and influence important decisions are just not capable of making good and wise decisions, we'll just end up having a popular decision but a bad one that hurts everyone. So can we say the democracy or communism, or socialism or whatever is the panacea to all the ills of a single society? So I just don't get how can anyone so absolutely deride and denounce and condemn anything so absolutely.
As with riding a bicycle, there should be a balanced approach, considering the wind factor, the road conditions, the social environment. Some people just need tricycles; they're not able to ride the mountain bikes yet. Some ride at a leisurely pace, and there are people like Lance Armstrong who can amazingly ride and ride for miles and miles and miles. So who's to say what is the one type of bike everybody should own. I personally, will go for a stationary bike because I am a road hazard on the road with a bicycle. And yes this analogy is not the best analogy yet, but I can't come up with a better one presently. You'll have to wait until I become less stoopid about things. I'll let you know when that happens.
In the meantime, if I don't proffer my opinion, it will probably mean that I either don't have one, which is the case a lot of times (I'm an ignorant fool you see!), or that I have one, but I'm willing to hear what you have to say and am open to an alternative viewpoint. Please don't try to shove your opinion down my throat though, because that is one thing I am absolute about, I hate pompous and arrogant know-it-alls.
Friday, July 11, 2008
It's been a while......
It's been a while since....
- I last blogged.
- I last surf the internet for mindless trivial fun stuff.
- I had long random (read: rubbishy and peculiar) conversations with my friends on life and the lack of meaning of it thereof.
- I came up with crazy ideas for a crazy life, like having reading competitions and strategising to rig and to win a lucky draw competition to Paris.
- I last exploded anything. (Which is a good thing right?)
- I put on make-up and combed my hair and shaved my legs. (Hey wait! I have never shaved my legs! I don't know how to shave my legs!)
- I indulged in a mindlessly entertainingly ridiculous fiction book.
I have been spending my time....
- Cooking up weird foods and pastries unlike anything you have ever seen before. Puts a whole new twist to the meaning of the word "edibles".
- Reading history books. In other words, I am actually filling my head with information of things that actually happened, and not the product of some warped fantastic mind.
- Watching and reading food porn! Suddenly, Gordon Ramsey and Jamie Oliver and Michael Smith's sexy, oh, and not to mention Nigella what'shername as well. And I'm frolicking in the wee (the time of the day and not the person!) hours of the night with the Asian Food Channel.
- Behaving strangely (according to Wee). And apparently I am a bit of an anti-socialite and have an AP as well ("Attitude Problem"). (No, my friends don't let me get away with it!)
- Living strange hours. I'm now living in the American time-zone while existing in Singapore.
- Sleeping too much.
- Playing Scabulous and Scramble. In fact, I think I'm addicted to it. Please please play with me!
- Eating 'strange' foods like chicken's feet, bitter gourd, ladies fingers, pig's liver etc which I don't use to eat. I finally overcomed the last fear I had, which was bitter-gourd. As of now, I am officially food-fears-free!
It IS fun to not be working!
- I last blogged.
- I last surf the internet for mindless trivial fun stuff.
- I had long random (read: rubbishy and peculiar) conversations with my friends on life and the lack of meaning of it thereof.
- I came up with crazy ideas for a crazy life, like having reading competitions and strategising to rig and to win a lucky draw competition to Paris.
- I last exploded anything. (Which is a good thing right?)
- I put on make-up and combed my hair and shaved my legs. (Hey wait! I have never shaved my legs! I don't know how to shave my legs!)
- I indulged in a mindlessly entertainingly ridiculous fiction book.
I have been spending my time....
- Cooking up weird foods and pastries unlike anything you have ever seen before. Puts a whole new twist to the meaning of the word "edibles".
- Reading history books. In other words, I am actually filling my head with information of things that actually happened, and not the product of some warped fantastic mind.
- Watching and reading food porn! Suddenly, Gordon Ramsey and Jamie Oliver and Michael Smith's sexy, oh, and not to mention Nigella what'shername as well. And I'm frolicking in the wee (the time of the day and not the person!) hours of the night with the Asian Food Channel.
- Behaving strangely (according to Wee). And apparently I am a bit of an anti-socialite and have an AP as well ("Attitude Problem"). (No, my friends don't let me get away with it!)
- Living strange hours. I'm now living in the American time-zone while existing in Singapore.
- Sleeping too much.
- Playing Scabulous and Scramble. In fact, I think I'm addicted to it. Please please play with me!
- Eating 'strange' foods like chicken's feet, bitter gourd, ladies fingers, pig's liver etc which I don't use to eat. I finally overcomed the last fear I had, which was bitter-gourd. As of now, I am officially food-fears-free!
It IS fun to not be working!
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