Teaching English is damn bloody difficult!

Especially since I only know what's a noun, verb, adjective, and very little much else!

How do I explain..

• ..the presence of present tense and past tense in a single sentence?
• ..the usage of a hypen/semi-colon/inverted commas, when I don't really know myself?
• ..why the most boring of passages are used for the GCSE Ordinary Levels English Paper?
• ..the importance of summarizing? ("Summarizing is very important because it helps you identify pertinent and salient points of what the tester wants from you, much like picking out the chicken bones out of a stew!")
• .. the difference between present, past, past continuous, present continuous, ever-present ongoing, past continuous present passive, passive ongoing present past continuous tense? WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL THOSE ANYWAY?!