Ok, now I am starting to feel silly about letting rip.
And it's not even half an hour since it happened.
Well, I guess it's no use crying over spilt milk. And I needed to get it off my chest. (Not that "getting it off the chest" is necessarily a legitimate and reasonable excuse for letting rip anyway.)
The worse thing of the aftermath is, to know what to do after letting rip at someone.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Letting go
I let rip at, well, somebody today. Obviously I thought it was a good idea then, and I still think it's a good idea, post-rip, but maybe in about half an hour's time, after I've drank calming green tea and all that, I'll regret it. Can't tell at this point.
Conflict management. I think I'm very bad at that. Sometimes I'm able to "swallow" things and move on. Other times, like this one, I exploded after having been pissed off too many times, and every time I was pissed off, I told myself, "It's ok. It's no big deal. Don't pay any attention to it." So I really thought it was inconsequential until today's outburst showed that I was more affected than I thought.
Like what Gar says, I guess it's better to deal with things as they come along instead of accumulating everything into one giant outburst. But sometimes it seems so trivial a matter, or I don't even know it's a big deal to me until a straw comes along and break my back. Some people, I can afford to let go, but others I'm loath to find them absent. I've yet to find a good way to deal with, well, stuff. I think I really need to do something about this.
I really don't like getting angry. It's an awful waste of time.
Conflict management. I think I'm very bad at that. Sometimes I'm able to "swallow" things and move on. Other times, like this one, I exploded after having been pissed off too many times, and every time I was pissed off, I told myself, "It's ok. It's no big deal. Don't pay any attention to it." So I really thought it was inconsequential until today's outburst showed that I was more affected than I thought.
Like what Gar says, I guess it's better to deal with things as they come along instead of accumulating everything into one giant outburst. But sometimes it seems so trivial a matter, or I don't even know it's a big deal to me until a straw comes along and break my back. Some people, I can afford to let go, but others I'm loath to find them absent. I've yet to find a good way to deal with, well, stuff. I think I really need to do something about this.
I really don't like getting angry. It's an awful waste of time.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
It's been a pleasure...
The new year's barely started and already it's started to surprise me.
Out of a clear blue sky, a friend suddenly asked me out. Even though we hadn't talked for at least 10 years, and even though we barely knew each other 10 years ago, I decided, even in my anti-social hibernation mode, to make the effort to reciprocate and have a meal with her. Sincerity does count for something to me, in this narcisstic world we live in. And to have an almost stranger make the appointment, I am, to risk sounding conceited, pleased with the effort.
Going off tangent, maybe I should elaborate on this "feeling pleased" theme.
I've come to a point where I don't need constant reassuring that I'm doing the right thing, but through common sense, greater objectivity (than before), and clear-sighted friends around me who will not hesitate to tell me I'm wrong, I am now able do the things I do and say the things I say without feeling apologetic about it.
And I'm unapologetic about saying that I feel "pleased" with my friend's effort, at the risk of sounding conceited, or at the risk of sounding like people have to do things to gain my favour. Because the people who know me well will know otherwise. And those who don't know me, well, it's hardly worth the while to explain myself to you isn't it?
Feeling pleasure when it comes to friendships is an almost un-heard of emotion. People feel love for their friends, they feel sentimental about them during special occasions. When things turn sour, they feel disappointment, or if things go really badly, they feel betrayed which may or may not then turn to hatred.
But yet have I heard anybody express pleasure at seeing their friends, or even at the mere thought of them. And because I've cut down my socialising a fair bit, just because I haven't been working the whole of last year and am still looking for a job, and attempting to cut down my activities to either the inexpensive or those that are free, the people I have left around me have been bringing me even greater delight. Even more so because they've shown respect for a situation which I sometimes find discouraging, understanding my change of habits and lifestyles as I try to cut back on the unnecessary, and even finding ways and means to accomodate. All the things that they've done in putting me above themselves during this period and even bending over backwards sometimes, I find pleasure in them.
And the even greater thing about it is, I am so comfortable with these people that I no longer feel bad about having caused them inconvenience and sacrifice the past year. I know them to be unmecenary and uncalculative, and not forever counting who owes who favours after each deed. And I'm not ungrateful; I will let them enjoy the pleasure of being connected to me, and they do find pleasure, I hope, in my friendship. (This whole sentence sounds so wrong but who cares!)
It's so easy to find pleasure in friends like this. And for strangers who make such an effort to connect, this shows the signs of a possibly pleasurable friendship, and so I will respond with all the sincerity and friendliness I possess.
And my friends, it's really been a pleasure. And it's going to continue being a pleasure I'm sure.
Out of a clear blue sky, a friend suddenly asked me out. Even though we hadn't talked for at least 10 years, and even though we barely knew each other 10 years ago, I decided, even in my anti-social hibernation mode, to make the effort to reciprocate and have a meal with her. Sincerity does count for something to me, in this narcisstic world we live in. And to have an almost stranger make the appointment, I am, to risk sounding conceited, pleased with the effort.
Going off tangent, maybe I should elaborate on this "feeling pleased" theme.
I've come to a point where I don't need constant reassuring that I'm doing the right thing, but through common sense, greater objectivity (than before), and clear-sighted friends around me who will not hesitate to tell me I'm wrong, I am now able do the things I do and say the things I say without feeling apologetic about it.
And I'm unapologetic about saying that I feel "pleased" with my friend's effort, at the risk of sounding conceited, or at the risk of sounding like people have to do things to gain my favour. Because the people who know me well will know otherwise. And those who don't know me, well, it's hardly worth the while to explain myself to you isn't it?
Feeling pleasure when it comes to friendships is an almost un-heard of emotion. People feel love for their friends, they feel sentimental about them during special occasions. When things turn sour, they feel disappointment, or if things go really badly, they feel betrayed which may or may not then turn to hatred.
But yet have I heard anybody express pleasure at seeing their friends, or even at the mere thought of them. And because I've cut down my socialising a fair bit, just because I haven't been working the whole of last year and am still looking for a job, and attempting to cut down my activities to either the inexpensive or those that are free, the people I have left around me have been bringing me even greater delight. Even more so because they've shown respect for a situation which I sometimes find discouraging, understanding my change of habits and lifestyles as I try to cut back on the unnecessary, and even finding ways and means to accomodate. All the things that they've done in putting me above themselves during this period and even bending over backwards sometimes, I find pleasure in them.
And the even greater thing about it is, I am so comfortable with these people that I no longer feel bad about having caused them inconvenience and sacrifice the past year. I know them to be unmecenary and uncalculative, and not forever counting who owes who favours after each deed. And I'm not ungrateful; I will let them enjoy the pleasure of being connected to me, and they do find pleasure, I hope, in my friendship. (This whole sentence sounds so wrong but who cares!)
It's so easy to find pleasure in friends like this. And for strangers who make such an effort to connect, this shows the signs of a possibly pleasurable friendship, and so I will respond with all the sincerity and friendliness I possess.
And my friends, it's really been a pleasure. And it's going to continue being a pleasure I'm sure.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Happy New Year
Every year around this time, I post about my resolutions for the new year, meandering on and on about the things I'm determined to achieve in the new year, the better person I'm going to become etc etc etc. Well, there is going to be none of those this year. For what is the point of new resolutions for the old life. So, this year, I'm going to get myself a new life instead. That makes more sense doesn't it?
Happy new year everybody!
Happy 2010!
Happy new year everybody!
Happy 2010!
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