It's been a pleasure...

The new year's barely started and already it's started to surprise me.

Out of a clear blue sky, a friend suddenly asked me out. Even though we hadn't talked for at least 10 years, and even though we barely knew each other 10 years ago, I decided, even in my anti-social hibernation mode, to make the effort to reciprocate and have a meal with her. Sincerity does count for something to me, in this narcisstic world we live in. And to have an almost stranger make the appointment, I am, to risk sounding conceited, pleased with the effort.

Going off tangent, maybe I should elaborate on this "feeling pleased" theme.

I've come to a point where I don't need constant reassuring that I'm doing the right thing, but through common sense, greater objectivity (than before), and clear-sighted friends around me who will not hesitate to tell me I'm wrong, I am now able do the things I do and say the things I say without feeling apologetic about it.

And I'm unapologetic about saying that I feel "pleased" with my friend's effort, at the risk of sounding conceited, or at the risk of sounding like people have to do things to gain my favour. Because the people who know me well will know otherwise. And those who don't know me, well, it's hardly worth the while to explain myself to you isn't it?

Feeling pleasure when it comes to friendships is an almost un-heard of emotion. People feel love for their friends, they feel sentimental about them during special occasions. When things turn sour, they feel disappointment, or if things go really badly, they feel betrayed which may or may not then turn to hatred.

But yet have I heard anybody express pleasure at seeing their friends, or even at the mere thought of them. And because I've cut down my socialising a fair bit, just because I haven't been working the whole of last year and am still looking for a job, and attempting to cut down my activities to either the inexpensive or those that are free, the people I have left around me have been bringing me even greater delight. Even more so because they've shown respect for a situation which I sometimes find discouraging, understanding my change of habits and lifestyles as I try to cut back on the unnecessary, and even finding ways and means to accomodate. All the things that they've done in putting me above themselves during this period and even bending over backwards sometimes, I find pleasure in them.

And the even greater thing about it is, I am so comfortable with these people that I no longer feel bad about having caused them inconvenience and sacrifice the past year. I know them to be unmecenary and uncalculative, and not forever counting who owes who favours after each deed. And I'm not ungrateful; I will let them enjoy the pleasure of being connected to me, and they do find pleasure, I hope, in my friendship. (This whole sentence sounds so wrong but who cares!)

It's so easy to find pleasure in friends like this. And for strangers who make such an effort to connect, this shows the signs of a possibly pleasurable friendship, and so I will respond with all the sincerity and friendliness I possess.

And my friends, it's really been a pleasure. And it's going to continue being a pleasure I'm sure.