After thinking it through, in a random, casual sort of way because that seems to be the only type of thinking my brain can manage nowadays, I decided that there is no one, absolutely nobody in my life right now that I think I can see and live with and be with 24x7.
Don't misunderstand me. I have lovely people in my life, whom I can't wait to meet up and shoot the breeze with, even in my current anti-social state of mind. Albeit a lesser number, which can be counted using one hand, but still, I'm no hostile hermit who shouts "go away go away" to the mere sign of approaching life. The only other problem is that, I don't think I can sustain a reciprocal level of interaction. It's not that I don't want to be constantly nice to people, but it's that, realistically speaking, it's just not sustainable.
I find myself behaving in a way that is sometimes quite different from the way I behave when I am alone and there is nobody around. (But then again, to be talking and gesturing enthusiastically to myself, I'm sure that' something nobdoy does.) But I do wonder whether the persona I'm projecting sometimes, is it really me, or am I hamming it up for the people around me. And if I am doing the latter, what is the reason I do that?
And at this point, my useless brain kind of hung and refuse to think anymore. I think I shall continue pursuing this casual, random line of thought another day.
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