Don't go drinking first

I am finding life difficult nowadays.So difficult that every day, every step, every thought becomes a physical or a mental or an emotional ordeal. Every moment is fraught with the potential to be inflicted with physical, mental or emotional pain or discomfort; every moment the wait for salvation intensifies. But nothing gets through to me; nothing helps, nothing works. Every comfort seems cold, every hopefulness a mirage, every helpfulness a liability. I am steeped in the nightmare-like world I have created for myself, which is only alleviated by make-believe distractions, while working as a temporary tranquilizer, only serves to intensify the paranoid feelings of loss, disappointment, and occasionally, panic.


But something did come through the cloud that engulfed me the other day. It was a story that was told. This is the story....


There's an old "Kingston Trio" song about a gold prospector named "Desert Pete." The story goes that he had sunk a well, in the middle of a desert. He had hooked up an old water pump to it, but, realizing it would be out in the heat all day, it's "leather" suction fitting would dry out. So, he put a jug of water under a rock nearby. He tied a small can to the handle, and in the can he placed a note. 

The note said, "You've got to 'Prime the Pump', you must have faith, and believe! You've got to give of yourself, before you're worthy to receive!" The note told the reader where to find the jug of water, but, it cautioned him "Don't go drinking it first" but, to "give it up", to commit it to Priming the Pump, to "pour it in, then pump like mad, and buddy you'll quench your thirst!" 

The reader of the note needed to follow the instructions, to not drink the water first, but to pour the water into the pump, to wet the leather, and to Prime the Pump, then there would be plenty of water, so they could "Drink all the water you can hold, wash your face to your feet, leave the bottle full for others,.. thank ya kindly, Desert Pete!" 

However, if the next guy only thought of himself, and his immediate need, and drank the water from the jug, he would leave the jug empty, the message would be meaning less, there would be no water for the next fellow, no "pumping like mad", no one else could drink their fill, no bottle would be left full for those who followed him! Just one guy coming along who DIDN'T obey the instructions, would mess the whole thing up, and everyone else coming along after him would only find a dry pump!


And somehow, the story became a lifeline in this swirling mess of a world that is mine. "Don't go drinking first". No matter how parched I am, trapped in a desert environment, I can't drink the water. I need to save it so I can work the pump, so I can quench my thirst and sustain my life, now and afterwards. If I drink it now, I will surely die, maybe not now, but definitely later. So, even if I'm already dying of dehydration, don't drink the water. DON'T GO DRINKING FIRST!


And whenever I feel like I can't go on another step, I say that aloud to myself, " Don't go drinking first". And I say it again and again and again, until I feel that my mind has absorbed the message, my body has stopped resisting, and my emotions have calmed down and is prepared for the next however many weeks, or days, or hours, or sometimes, even minutes, until I feel I have to do that exercise all over again.


Salvation hasn't come. Not by a long shot. I can't even think about the next person, or about pumping the pump yet. I only have one thing, and one thing in mind only, " don't go drinking first ".