What should I blog about?

My friend tells me journalling will help me feel better. Ok, so what the hell am I suppose to blog about?

I was looking through my blog and I realised that I've been in this state for a long time now, and counting.

I'm not sure whether it's good that I'm getting worse, so I can get better; or really bad that it's spiraling way down and way out of control. It's come to a point that I'm becoming out of control.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't know what to say, to think, to feel, to respond, to initiate. I'm second guessing myself every time as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, and whether I should be doing what I'm doing, and even wondering what I'm doing.

What's happening to me?

What's wrong with me?

I thought it was just bad temper and that I need help with anger management.

But when an acquaintance was diagnosed for depression just because she gets insomnia and tears often, I realised I'm over-qualified for depression. (And hell so does half the world all over qualify!) Unfortunately though, I seem to have the type of depression that results in weight gain instead of weight loss!

And then, while reading a book about Aspergers, I'm wondering how come I sound like I have Aspergers - egocentric, unable to see things from others' perspectives, can't manage their own emotions.

I think if someone tells me I'm acting the way I do because I'm the devil incarnate, I'll actually believe him, I'm so desperately trying to find out what's wrong with me.

As of up till now, I don't know what to do with myself, and from whom to get the help I feel I so desperately need. I think my friends have suffered enough drama from me to have to endure helping me get back on my feet, and I'm obviously no help to myself, at the rate I'm crashing and burning.

Plus, I'm a real pain right now. I'm sensitive and emotional and intolerant and irritable and so really fun to be around. Seriously I'm so bad I don't even want to be near me.