"I've been to London to look at the queen."
Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, what did you there?"
I frightened a little mouse under the chair."
I've been having complaints that my recent blogs have been too depressing. So fine, I shall abandon my muse and all that very inspired writing and talk about something a little cheerier instead.
I shall describe in boring details my recent visit to the UK. (I shall not even talk about Marrakech, because seriously, I saw nothing of Marrakech!)
My original plan, and the plan remained original throughout was to go to London since I was passing by on the way back from my work trip, to visit friends whom I haven't seen for ages, just to talk rubbish and see how they were.
Windsor
First stop Windsor, if you're wondering why that sounds familiar, it's because it's a royal name. (Duh!) Prince Harry and Prince William actually have a family name you know. So a quaint town has pretty much developed around one of the official residences of the Queen, Windsor Castle. And of course I had to visit Windsor Castle. The Queen actually stays in there, in a private wing while the rest were opened to the voyeuristic eyes of us mere commoners.
What can I say about it? Well, it's a lovely place, grand, luxurious, breath-taking etc etc. I tried to absorb as much history and beauty and grandeur as I possibly could of course, but I must confess it was too much for my puny brain. After a while, all I could think about is, where is the Queen staying, and won't she feel quite, well, what (I can't think of a better word.), when she wakes up in the morning, looking directly at a crimson red brocade curtain that looks like it's threatening to smother her, or a giant chandalier which can be quite a breathtakingly scary thing to see first thing in the morning.
Another piece of useless information that I derieved from the castle visit is, they actually have people staying within the castle and in the grounds! By golly! I am already having grandiose visions of an address that reads "Windsor Castle". How awfully grand!
It sure is a long walk to the different parts of the castle though. I do wonder how the people used to live in them.
It was so well heated within the castle I had to take out all the outer layers, and it made me awfully sleepy. And before I know it, I had to go outside to visit another part of the castle. So I spent a lot of time taking off and putting on my coat. Such a hassle.
Other highlights of Windsor
- Eton College which is in Eton, just next to Windsor, actually has a souvenir shop! What souvenirs do people actually buy from the shop. Fridge magnets or car stickers that read "Hey! I've visited Eton, so I'm officially not as stupid"?
- They have special "duck food" to feed the ducks along the Eton River? (I'm guessing here!) Do ducks eat special food then? I quite suspected I was ripped off for 50p. Luckily it was not my money.
- They have a crooked house in Windsor, with a sort of crooked stairs. Unfortunately there was no crooked man or crooked woman who lived in the house with their crooked dog and crooked brood of children sleeping in crooked beds.
- Oh, apparently Shakespeare wrote his "The Merry Wives of Windsor" in Windsor. (Oh isn't it obvious!) I can just imagine the slogan, "Want a merry wife? Get her from Windsor! Dial 1800-xxx.
- Near Windsor is a town called Slough. (Tell me what kind of a name is Slough? Makes me think of sludge.) Slough Train Station has a really interesting custom where girls wait with their heavy suitcase in front of a flight of steps for a bloke to help them with it. If a bloke walks by and fancies knowing you, he'll help you carry your suitcase to the train for you. If the girl fancies the bloke, she then engages him in conversation and then offers to buy him a drink. It's quite a good scheme don't you think? That's how half the population from Windsor/Slough met. Try it the next time you're at the Station. To make the scheme work, they have a extra steep and extra long flight of steps as an obstacle race for the men! Try it, it's good fun!
London
Oh well, everybody's been to London, so I shan't tell you about the wonderful places like Leicester Square and Oxford Street and Bond Street and Picadilly Circus and Baker Street and the London Eye and the Tower Bridge. So there's really not much to talk about London.
What's fun about London is that it's fun to get thoroughly lost in London in the middle of winter and when it's cold and you snuggle into your warm jacket. In that weather, it actually becomes unbearable entering a well-heated restaurant or shop or whatever. Because of the immediate transition from cold to warm, it makes me really sleepy, like just instantaneously. Yes, that's a fun activity to try when you're there. Wait until you're freezing cold and then dash into the nearest M&Ss and you instantly become somnolent. Try it if you don't believe me!
Near the London Eye is a bridge that brings you to some train station which I can't remember at this point. Well, when I was walking on this bridge, the bridge literally quivered. Yes, the bridge had a frisson of sorts which I'm guessing is the aftermath of the London earthquake earlier that week. Very exciting. I was quite tempted to re-walk that route just to try it again. (I've never been in an earthquake you see!)
And the trees on the path near the London Eye was lit up with blue lights, it looked really pretty, and the London Eye was looming like some spaceship, I felt like shouting "The aliens have landed"!
The Old Vic Theatre, where I found and lost Kevin Spacey within the matter of a day (It's a long story that), is a white building with pink lights or a pink building with white lights or something. Anyway, I just disctinctively remembered it being pink and Barbie Doll-ish and really really, well, sweet looking. It looked almost like a dollhouse and it's just so pink and bubble-gummy in the middle of a dark gloomy London intersection. How funny.
And at some intersection near Leicester Square, there was an accident. It was terribly exciting to see ambulances flashing their annoyingly loud sirens (why can't they make it less shrill?) and with loads of people gathering around trying to catch a glimpse. Well, I caught a glimpse of a guy in a stretcher. He had black hair and looked Italian I remembered.
At a bar near Paddington Station, they served very nice mineral water.
It was fun getting lost within the tube station as well, trying to figure where to go, especially with someone who didn't seem to have a very good sense of direction.
Oh, and I had Fish and Chips with mushy peas and Bangers and Mash someplace in London, but I can't remember where. Oh, and chicken with rice thingey at some restaurant somewhere which had really red seats and made me feel like I was sitting within somebody's internal organs.
And at some point, you must try to freeze your fingers, because by doing so, you can see lo and behold your hands turning blue, as in actually turning blue! How fun!
Last thing to do, find a nice spot on a bridge somewhere. Pick a bridge, any bridge, there's London Bridge, there's the Millenium Bridge. Stand there and wait for a spot of wind, and puff when it comes, flap your wings, and fly. Yes, a strong enough gust could keep you airborne for all of 3 seconds. Enough to make you feel like a bird I think. It's a bird, it's a plane...
So, visit the Queen today!
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